The Crossroads
by JadeAlicia97
Summary: Marissa has a decision to make, and it seems everyone else has an opinion. She's just not sure what hers is.
1. Introduction

**AN: Just for your information, like always this will eventually be a Marissa/Alex pairing. If you're not a supporter I suggest hitting that back button now. (Malex Forever!) I'm just not sure how I'll get there quite yet. I don't own anything blah, blah, blah.**

**Marissa's POV**

**Thoughts in **_Italic_

I found myself stuck at a three-way intersection. The obvious question was simple: did I want to go left, or right? But what many people didn't realize was that this simple decision… this every day choice was uprooted in something so much deeper than sense of direction. How do you decide when entire futures were hanging in the balance? And not just your own, but the people that you care about most in life.

_Okay, take this step by step,_ I thought to myself as I was trying to decide. Left leads me deeper into the gated community of Newport, and right leads me towards the beach. Left takes me to a guy, and right takes me to a girl. Left brings me to Ryan, a great guy willing to give me his everything, and right brings me to Alex, the girl I had never imagined falling for but did so earnestly.

A honking noise interrupts my train of thought as the asshole behind me starts yelling. I'm forced to make a decision. Left, right, left, right. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Ryan, Alex, Ryan, Alex.

Fuck it, U-turn. Back towards the house of horrors and the she-devil I was trying so hard to evade. What can I say? I was never good at making decisions.

**AN: Okay, this is something that popped into my head earlier. Totally random, and probably not any good. But if you readers like it, I'll add something to it. Chapters will get longer, this is just a quick Intro. So review it, tell me what you think. Should I continue? That's the real question.**


	2. Motivation and Mono

**AN: This chapter is… iffy. Not quite sure if I like it, but I needed to get something out to you people, so here it is. It's short, but I'm still planning on making them longer eventually. Review Please! I really don't want to continue of no one likes it. Even if you hate it, tell me why please.**

I had gotten home about an hour ago, and I haven't moved a muscle since then. It was ridiculous how much all of this was influencing my life. The simplest tasks took all of my energy, and I was constantly feeling drained. The natural processes that normally occur without thought require so much more now.

Putting my hair up in a bun seemed to take a whole lot longer than it should have. Having to remind myself of each step was incredibly annoying. I didn't remember having this short of an attention span a few months ago.

So lying there, I was perfectly content. If there was a moment someone had to choose to slip into a coma and not wake for four years that would be mine. Maybe then I'd already be engaged and the choice would have been made for me. Maybe it would even be like in the movies when everything becomes clear when the girl wakes up and sees the person sleeping beside the hospital bed. Realistically though, I knew I was in danger of someone coming into my room soon.

I had to get up. Thinking about it was easy. I knew exactly why I needed to leave the house. I knew that the she-devil would be up soon telling me to get ready for some over-rated party I had no reason to attend. But honestly, where in the hell could I go? Someone I didn't want to see would find me anywhere I went.

If I stayed here, Ryan, and Mom would be here soon. If I went to Summer's Seth, would be there, and Ryan, Mom, and Alex would know to look there. If I went to the Cohen's Ryan would be there. If I went to the Baitshop Alex would be there. If I went to the beach Alex would find me eventually. All of my other 'friends' annoyed me too much to become a possibility.

Huh, that leaves… who am I kidding, even if I did have somewhere safe to go, I sooo do not have the motivation needed to get up, let alone drive all the way there. Damn. Guess whoever comes first gets me for the day. Good luck getting me up though.

Finally after a couple minutes of pure procrastination I hear my phone ring. _"Sorry I'm not home right now, I'm walking in the spider webs, so leave a message and I'll call you back."_ Sings the ironic little ringtone.

I looked at the phone and sighed. "Hey Sum."

"**Coop! Where are you? I've been looking everywhere for you!"**

"I'm at home."

"**Hmm, really**?" My best friend says with a surprised tone. **"No wonder I couldn't find you."**

"So what's up?"

"**Oh nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out. We haven't gotten a chance to lately with all your…"**

"My what?"

"**I don't know, I was going to say guy troubles but considering the circumstances-"**

"Yeah I get it Sum."

"**So what do you say? Hm, a little bit of **_**The**__**Valley **_**action? It is exactly what you need right now." **

"I want to, but a surprise visit from my problems i.e. Ryan, Alex, my mother, isn't exactly something I need right now."

"**I'll take care of it Coop! Don't worry. And if I need to I'll go rage blackout on someone. Pllleeeeeaaaaaassssseeee…" **Summer pleaded in a shrill tone.

I sigh. "Okay." _At least then I won't be alone. Alone…_

"**Yay!"**

"I'll be over soon."I hung up when I heard my mother call from downstairs.

"MARISSA!" I wait, not willing to move just yet. I hear steps come up the stairs and I prepare myself for whatever she has to say. "Someone is here to see you."

"Who is it?" I ask, knowing for a fact it's going to be one of the two people on my 'don't want to see' list.

"Uhh, Marissa, you know I don't like to associate myself with your… questionable… friends, let alone learn their names."

"Who is it?" I repeat myself.

"Blonde hair, blue eyes, jeans and a wife beater." I laughed inwardly knowing how unhelpful that description is.

"What sex mother?"

"Some girl Marissa, don't keep your guest waiting!"

"Tell her I don't want to see her." I say.

"Ohh ouch." I hear an unforgettable voice say from the doorway. I try to suppress a smile but can't seem to do so in sight of those eyes. _Damn those eyes. All they do is get me into trouble_ Alex approaches the bed slowly.

"You can go now mother." I say completely abrasive. I sit up, forgetting about my supposed state of temporary depression. I see my mother leave muttering something about my never learning proper manners.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asks sitting on the bed next to me.

"Huh?" I ask confused.

"Summer said you weren't feeling well."

"Oh, right, yeah." I cough to make the story look legit. "I'm feeling a little scratchy."

"Are you okay though, drinking lots of fluids, lots of sleep?"

"Yes, fluids and sleep. Number one priority. You sound worried about me… how cute!" I tease.

Alex blushes. "I am not! I just- uh whatever. I have to get back to work. Call me if you need anything." She gets up and starts to leave.

I nod, admiring her willingness to help. She drove all the way across town on one of her breaks, just to check up on me. It was incredibly sweet. But that was just the type of person she was. She wasn't making this any easier.

When I knew Alex would be a safe distance away I grabbed my car keys and hurried out the front door before I got the lecture about respect. I get to my car and start to unlock it when I hear, "Marissa?"

"Ryan? What are you doing here?"

"Summer said you had mono?"

Summer needed a serious talking to when I got to her house. "Yeah, I'm going to pick up my prescription right now actually."

"Oh." He said scratching his head in that way he does whenever the conversation gets awkward, so often. It was kind of cute though, like he didn't know what to say. Or tripped up on his words around me. "Well call me if you need anything."

"I'll be sure to do that Ryan. Thanks for stopping by." I say with a smile. He walks to his car and drives away. My smile turns into a grimace before I slam my head on to the car. "Damn." I groan. _This is not gonna end well. _I think to myself before getting in my car.


	3. A Clear Head

**AN: Hey people! Sorry this update is way overdue. But I've been busy. Not to mention I lost everything to a stupid virus on my computer. And by the way, if you're one of those assholes that like to make those things, damn you. Seriously, there is a special place in hell for people just like you. GRRR, anyways here it is. Thanks to those that have reviewed and I hope you continue to do so. And if you haven't yet, you should. I don't bite. Unless you make viruses, then I will bite you.**

Walking straight into Summer's room I frown as soon as I see Seth lying on her bed. "Where's Summer?" I ask irritated. Don't get me wrong, Seth has been like a brother to me, and I love the guy, but he always tended to show up exactly when I didn't want him to. His sense of timing was completely off, and sure he could always be counted on for comedic relief, but it was annoying sometimes.

"Why, hello Marissa. Nice to see you too. I've been great, thanks for asking."

"Hello Seth. Where's Summer?"

"Straight to business I see. Well, she went to the video store to rent some chick flicks. She'll be back in a minute." He says playing with Summer's princess sparkle.

"Great, so I'm stuck here… with you… and princess sparkle." I say sitting down on Summer's bed next to Seth. I almost would have rather taken my chances with my mother.

"Don't forget Captain Oats." He says with that nerdy grin of his.

"Yay." I say dejectedly. He was so awkward to be around. Probably the reason we **never **hung out alone.

After many minutes of uncomfortable silence, I had this feeling he was going to start talking about Ryan and me. It never failed, any time me and Ryan were fighting he would always try to fix it. It was absolutely none of his business, and his intentions were good, but sometimes I'd rather not hear his loud opinion. "So… are you and Ryan still on an out."

Just then Summer walks in, and I've never been happier to see her. Everything Seth lacked, Summer made up for in tenfold, and vice versa. They were perfect together. Anyone could see it. Yeah they had plenty of issues, but at the end of the day they both knew it was worth it. I could only hope I'd have that someday.

"Sum, mono? Really? That was all you could think of." I say as soon as I see her. I was still upset with her about that. Ryan already thought I was a horror, and her telling him things like that was not helping.

"Oh, right. Sorry, my on the spot thinking sucks. But I brought presents!" She says, thinking it made of for it. She went over to put the movie in the dvd player. She throws the bag of popcorn at Seth and says, "Go pop those." Seth obeys, without a word. As dumb as he was sometimes, he knew when to listen to my best friend.

"Did you tell Alex the same thing?" I ask worried about my non-tainted image in Alex's eyes.

"No. She didn't ask what you had. Hell, as soon as I told her you weren't feeling well she was out of there. I mean she was long gone before I got to my car." I try to pretend that news didn't matter to me at all, but Summer saw the small smile on my face, even though I'd never admit it was there.

"Some girl you got there." Summer says with a funny tone.

"Yeah." I say dreamily, before realizing what she got me to admit. "I mean… she's cool."

"I guess I'm not the only one that sucks with on the spot thinking." She says wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "You like her."

"Yeah."

"And you like him."

"Yeah." I shake my head. "What do I do Sum?"

She studies me for a while. "The only thing you can do."

"And what's that? I swear if you feed me some of that follow your heart shit, I'm leaving." I was getting tired of people telling me to do what felt right. Doing what felt right doesn't always mean you're doing the right thing. And sometimes what feels the opposite of right is what's right. You can't just do what feels right. That never works. You have to do what is right if you ever want to get anywhere. That's why doing things take so damn long.

My friend laughs. "That's what I was going to tell you." She says. "But it's what has to happen Coop."

"What if I choose wrong and everyone's life gets messed up. All because I couldn't pick who was right for me."

"I highly doubt your relationship status is going to affect everyone in Newport."

"But it is going to affect some people. The people that I care about. I mean, what if I chose Alex and Ryan gets mad at me and in turn Seth gets mad at me. And then because you, being my best friend, take my side, and you and Seth break up." I was on the verge of hyperventilating. And Summer looked worried about my mental health. But what else is new?

"And… and… What if I choose Ryan and Alex skips town. Seth would be crushed, and I know she won't take it well. And… And… FML."

"Whoa, Coop, you haven't even told Alex you like her yet. One step at a time girl." She raised a good point. I was a complete coward when it came to Alex. Checking her out when she wasn't looking was about as far as I got when it came to telling her how I felt.

I'd never had a problem with that type of thing before. Here I was, Marissa Cooper, afraid of saying what I was thinking. I had a good reason though, I mean what if I told her how I felt and got her hopes up, and then I choose Ryan. That would be a bad call would it not? So I'll keep it to myself until I decide.

"Sum, you're not helping."

"Then how can I help Coop?"

"Who do you think I should choose?" I ask putting my head in my hands.

"RYAN!" I hear Seth yell from behind the door.

"Cohen! Go away!" Summer yells. I hear shuffling from behind the door and I assume he leaves. "Sorry about him. But he is trying to help."

"I know. But what do you think?" I needed her opinion. At the end of the day hers was probably the only one that I would take into account. She was my best friend and in a time like this she was the only one I could count on.

Summer took my question into account for a long time. Like she was really thinking about what would be the best for me. And then she said, "Ryan offers a promising future and with him you would never have to worry about a thing. A future with him would be a great one. However, a future with Alex would offer adventure and something that you've never experienced before. Living off of nothing but love would be your life with her. Either way I know you'd be taken care of. And as your best friend that's all I can ask for Marissa. No matter who it's with."

"You still haven't answered my question."

"I can't answer your question Coop. Only you can." She says before pushing play. "Besides, I refuse to look like an ass if you somehow decide to pick the person I told you not to choose. That'd be awkward." She chuckles.

I think about what she told me that day and tell her thank you. Maybe that day didn't give me the answers I so desperately needed, but time with my best friend gave me a clear head. And maybe I needed that more than anything right then.


	4. Tension and A Douche Bag

**AN: Hey People! Here's the update you've been waiting for. It's longer than the others, and there is a bit more Malex action. So here you are. I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Read and Review, it makes me happy.**

I sigh looking at my phone. Summer had just sent me a text saying: **Diner at 1, you, me, Cohen, and Ryan. Be there. **

I had gone a whole week without incident, successfully avoiding both Ryan and Alex. My mental capacity had even started to get back to normal… until now. I could almost feel myself unwinding, caused by these backed up emotions almost bursting at their seams. I wanted to tell myself over and over again that things might just be better without either of them, but when it came down to it, I missed them both.

Ryan and Alex were two of my best friends and I couldn't imagine life without either of them. This delay in my decision making was a direct result of being afraid of losing one of them. I was terrified that at the end of all this I was going to have to decide who I was willing to leave behind.

"Coop!" I shake myself back into reality and look around confused. With no recollection of arriving at the diner at all I look at Summer questionably. "I lost you for a second there." She says leaning back into her seat.

"Sorry… What were we just talking about?"

"The history assignment Ms. Ward assigned us." She was looking at me strangely, and she was obviously worried.

"Before that?"

"We were complaining about the guy's tardiness."

It all came back to me. My head falls to the table as I curse. "Right, okay. I'm sorry."

"Are you feeling okay Coop?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm just tired." I play it off as nothing, knowing my best friend would be worried if it was anything else.

She looked skeptical about my excuse, but until I had shown more symptoms, she would probably just observe carefully. "Alright, if you say so." She took a sip from her tea. "I have to say, you seem less than excited about seeing Ryan today."

"Yeah well…" I trail off, thinking that would cover my meaning. When she just looked at me I decided to elaborate. "It's just… I feel like I'm being unfair to Alex."

"You're only being unfair if you're avoiding Alex." I look away, obviously indicating my guiltiness. "Oh my god… you're avoiding Alex. Marissa!"

"What? I know, I know, it's messed up. But it's just so… hard to see either of them."

"It's never gonna get easier if they think you're mad at them for some reason!"

Just then Seth walks in holding his jacket together weirdly. "What are we talking about?" He asks sitting next to Summer.

"Coop and her issues. Where's Ryan?"

"He'll be in here in a minute. Summer, can I talk to you for a second. I need to show you something." He looks around nervously.

Summer looks at me asking for permission, I wave her off. They stand and walk across the diner. The empty restaurant allows me to hear them whispering. Then Summer starts hitting Seth and I could tell she is really upset with him by the tone her voice is taking. Whatever he did was going to make her mad at him for weeks. And I couldn't quite hear what they were saying, but I had a feeling it had something to do with what he was trying to hide with that baggy sweatshirt.

Summer comes back to the table with Seth in tow. The vein on the side of her head was popping out, telling everyone in sight exactly how irritated she was. They were both silent for a minute before I decided it was time to be let in on what was going on. "Everything okay?" I ask looking at both of them.

"Cohen's just showing how much of an asshat he truly is." She practically yells.

"Summer's just being a paranoid, sensitive, crazy woman." Seth shoots back. He rolls his eyes. "Look, are you at all offended by this?" He asks pulling apart his sweatshirt and revealing exactly what he was hiding.

It was a blue T-shirt with a gray heart on the middle. The heart had a picture of me and Ryan in the center. Just under the heart were the monogramed words 'Team Myan Forever'

My jaw drops at the sight of the T-shirt. "Seth!" I yell. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I already gave him that speech Coop. Now he just needs a beating."

"Who needs a beating?" I hear someone ask sliding into the booth next to me. Ryan looks questioningly at Seth's T-shirt before shaking it off and looking around at the other members of our group.

I mean mug Seth as I sit. If only looks could kill. "Cohen, what else is new?" Summer says giving Seth an evil look.

Ryan nods before looking at me again. "So how have you been? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Okay." I say feeling the growing awkwardness of the situation pressing on my nerves. "Cured." I say referring to my supposed state of mono. He chuckles. "What about you?"

"I've been alright. Slammed with homework though."

"Well then I guess it's a good thing I haven't been around wasting your time." I say finally looking at him. His face hasn't changed much since the first day I'd seen him, other than the absence of a black-eye now. But the rest of him has changed drastically. He controls his anger now, thank god. He doesn't fight anymore. He talks a lot more.

I am one of the few believers of the notion that people do change overnight. Ryan Atwood was a clear indication of that. "That's debatable." He says studying me.

I start to wonder if he's noticed a change in me. I know I look older, I can barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore. And I know the booze has started to take its toll. The lack of sleep has added dark circles under my eyes, and there's only so much makeup can cover. But have I changed in personality?

I'll still probably never have to work a day in my life. I'm still incredibly materialistic. And over all I'm still as selfish as I was before. Look at me now, dragging two great people down with me. Refusing to make a choice because I'm afraid of what it'll do to me. Some people change all the time, but others never change. Most never will.

What Ryan had said made everything more awkward and everyone was silent for a long time. Until I hear someone's laugh from the front counter I think that time might have just frozen around me. We all look up at the direction of the sudden noise and see someone that could only make things more awkward here at the table.

Seth pulls his sweatshirt together tightly, Summer shoots me a look, and Ryan immediately looks pissed off. Almost on cue Alex turns around and her smile fades just slightly when she sees all of us together.

Probably out of pure obligation she walks over to us. "Hey guys." She greets.

Summer recovers the quickest and says, "Hi Alex. What are you doing over here?"

"I was just visiting a friend-" Alex begins.

She's cut off by Ryan who chimes in with, "I wasn't aware you had any friends."

Alex doesn't seem offended by Ryan's rude comment, just amused. "Yeah you're right, I don't have many here in Newport, probably because I have a thing against fakers." She says putting a heavy stress on her last word.

The situation was way too tense and awkward for any of us to handle, thankfully Summer tries to fix it. "So Alex, would you like to join us?"

Alex laughs at the simple suggestion. "Uh, no… I know when to walk away and I think now is one of those times. Thanks though, I do appreciate it." Alex looks at me for a mere moment, but it feels like she goes through my entire life with one glance. "Bye Marissa."

I feel guilty again as she walks away from me. But I recover in time to see Summer motioning to follow her. I shake my head but she kicks me from under the table. I stand and say, "Alex wait." She turns and stops dead in her tracks. I walk closer and ask her if she has some time to talk.

She nods and I follow her out of the diner. I leave just in time to hear Seth say, "Does this mean I have to send back the first shipment of the T-shirts?" followed by him saying "Ow!"

We walk to a nearby bench on the pier in silence. She sits next to me and I can feel her eyes watching me carefully. It takes a while before she says, "I feel like you've been avoiding me lately."

"I haven't I just…" I trail off having nothing else to say.

"Have been avoiding me." She finishes quietly. I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, I've just had a lot on my mind lately." That wasn't a lie at all. I have had a lot on my mind lately. Just because I didn't tell her she was the one on my mind doesn't make it a lie.

She accepts this, but still looks worried. "What's wrong Marissa?"

"I-I… have to make a choice. And this choice can literally affect everything in my life. And certain aspects of my friend's lives… and I just don't know how to decide."

She looks out to the water for a long time before she says, "When I was younger, and I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I liked girls my life was hell. I didn't know if I should tell my parents and my friends, or if I should just hide it and with it hide who I was. On one hand I didn't want to be turned on by the people closest to me, and on the other if I hid it I'd be turning on myself."

"What did you do?" I ask. She might be the only one with the experience to help me. And it was also nice to hear about my enigmatic friend's past.

She smiles sadly. "Nothing." She says. "I did nothing. I waited and procrastinated until I no longer had I choice. The choice was made for me the day I got caught with Jodie. My world was turned upside down in a matter of moments and there was no looking back. I got myself thrown out of the house and later emancipated all because I couldn't make a simple decision."

I take in her words, trying to find the hidden message or something that can help me. She then elaborates. "If you refuse to do what's right for you Riss, then you are never going to get anywhere. If you wait until you no longer have a chance to choose you might wake up one day and realize that you wanted something else."

"Is that what happened to you?"

"In a way yeah." I can't help the disappointment I feel with her answer. "I'm a high school dropout working as a bartender. But then again I know at the end of the day I lived like I wanted to live. I do me, and for the first time I don't have to please anyone else. I got lucky." She smiles as she looks at me. "But it could have ended differently."

I smile back at her before leaning my head on her shoulder. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about Ryan."

She chuckles. "Don't worry about it." After a while she adds with her signature smirk, "I've known for a while he's a douche bag."


	5. Drama With The Monster

**AN: I got a special request to be done with this update before the New Year, so here I am, cutting it way close. Happy New Year! Here it is. Read, Review! I'll try to get out the next update quickly. I hope you enjoy this one. **

As a "productive young member of Newport society" I am often goaded into attending formal functions. This fact does not in any way shape or form mean at all, that I enjoy going to these things. So I sit in the corner watching people dance, all the while cursing my mother for being the devious woman she is.

_*Flashback*_

_Walking into the house of horrors, I try to be as silent as possible. My mother had just gotten back from a weekend getaway with the old guy. However my efforts prove futile when I hear my mother call me from the pool. "MARISSA! IS THAT YOU?"I freeze, hoping the savage beast will have to rely on its weak sense of smell to detect me if I remain motionless._

_The monster, with its terrible artificial dark complexion and blood stained lips emerges from its cave with a look of anger unmatched by another in all the land. I bolt as fast as I can to the safety of my room knowing I can outrun the savage._

_But somehow, in a way unknown to me, it uses mind tricks to keep me planted in my spot, and the spell was triggered with the words, "One step and you lose your phone for a month."_

_I dare to look my attacker dead in the eye, knowing if I did not it would win. In the most defiant tone possible I say "Yes Mother?"_

"_You weren't even planning to say hello?" The very thought of me doing something like that for her makes me laugh._

"_Hello my dearest mommy, how was your trip?" She rolls her eyes at me, and I can tell her patience with talking to me is already wearing thin. Ah, the benefits of being a sarcastic teenager._

"_I'm so glad you asked Marissa, I met a man. A single, very powerful, and rich man."_

"_Oh here we go."_

"_He's one of the head founders of the wounded warrior foundation, and he wants me to throw a benefit, here, in two days." You can always tell when someone like Julie Cooper-Nichol gets excited about something. They first get that smile. You know the one, the one that looks so happy it's scary. And then they get the look in their eye. The one that says 'go ahead and try to stop me, I dare you'._

"_And what on Earth does that have to do with me?" I felt it coming. Those words that were uttered so many times to me in the course of my sixteen years. The words that seemed like a simple invite but really meant 'I need you to be here to see the major drama that's about to unfold'. I had heard those words so many times, I knew the signs that let up to it. I knew they were coming. But I was still going to try my hardest to get out of it._

"_You need to help me set up, and as my daughter you need to be in attendance." _

"_Like hell I do!"_

_She simply smiled and approached me slowly. The power of her evil force was pressing on me like an essay you wait until the last minute to write. "You and I both know Caleb isn't going to be around forever. And as much as it truly… pains me to say, we're going to need somebody to take care of us after he's dead. Marissa I'm talking about you're future here, my future. If we can please Mr. Daily, we may never have to fend for ourselves again." I wasn't sure when we've ever had to fend for ourselves, but I wasn't going to point that out just then._

_In a calm, even tone, I say "I'm not interested in your schemes mom."_

"_We'll are you interested in ever getting these back?" She holds up my car keys in her hands and dangles them in front of me. My hands immediately go into my bag and find that my keys weren't where I left them. She's a very, very sneaky one._

"_That's not fair." Damn her Riverside background._

"_Life's not fair. If you ever want to see your car again you'll agree to attend. AND- I've already gotten your spares. All six of them."_

_ "Damn." One to the monster, me zero._

_*End Flashback* _

I helped my mother set up, complaining incessantly the entire time. Because of my genius plan to annoy her out of making me go, she decided to hire my 'shady bartender friend' to help bartend at the party. After that my complaining stopped, as I was convinced that this party couldn't be any worse. Two to the monster, me still zero.

Ryan and Alex in the same room was never a good thing. It was even worse when there was alcohol and other people that Alex didn't like in the mix. So not only did I watch people dance but I got to watch them mean mug each other the whole time.

After my third "diet coke" I was ready for the drama. So surprise, surprise when Ryan asked me to come dance with him I said I would. He was all decked out in his Newport attire, his hair was actually combed, and he looked ready for anything. He didn't look bad at all, but maybe it was my bear goggles talking.

We danced for a while in silence, and it was really nice. It reminded me of the old days. Back when everything was so complicated, but it was still so much easier than now. We were different back then. We were happy, and I know that some way we could be happy again. I just don't know if I was willing to find that way.

My thoughts were broken by his voice. "You did a great job with this place." He said looking around at my yard.

"Thanks, I personally think we've had better though."

"Yeah Julie does have a knack for planning these things."

"It's not the only thing she's good at." I mutter. He looks at me questionably. "She's also good at decorating, and making my life hell, and hiring people." I hadn't meant to mention the last one, and I already felt the repercussions of saying it coming on.

"Yeah usually." I shake my head at his words. Their fighting was ridiculous. I didn't even know why they started, all I knew was that I was getting tired of it. "And that's really what I'm worried about right now Marissa?"

"What do you have to be worried about?"

"You."

"Well, what else is new?"

"I'm serious Marissa. You have this random obsession with disappearing for days even weeks at a time. When I do see you I can smell alcohol all over you. You're getting Mono? I just don't understand what's going on with you anymore. I think… I think Alex is a bad influence on you."

"That's bullshit Ryan, and you know it. I don't disappear just because I'm not with you, and I haven't been drinking as much now that Alex is here. She is a great person, just because you don't know her gives you no right to judge her. And I would think you of all people should understand that." We've stopped dancing at this point and I can see that I'm the center of the drama this time.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I can remember a few people who have told me you were a bad influence, i.e. everyone. You used to be new around here too Ryan, without any friends and nobody that really understood you. And if you've forgotten about that enough to start judging like people have judged you, then you have changed a lot more than I realized." I walk away not wanting to talk to him anymore.

I probably would have gone over to see Alex, but she looked a little bit preoccupied with the horny middle-aged and teenage guys alike. It didn't really help that she was drawing a lot of attention to herself with that damn flair she was doing. I sat and watched her for a while, admiring the way she could manipulate her hands so easily. She knew exactly what she was doing. It made me think of the other things she probably used her magic hands for…

So with that thought I attempted to walk out to my balcony, but my mom had the great idea to stop me. She touched my shoulder and got closer to my face. "Marissa, you and Ryan looked cute while you were dancing. Are you two back together yet?"

"Is there a reason you approached me, or did you just want to make my life hell for a few more moments?"

She grinned. "I would like you to meet someone." She led me over to a man that couldn't be a day over twenty-four. He had jet black hair and his brilliant green eyes were the perfect contrast. He looked very hot in that white designer tux of his. "Marissa, meet Braiden Anderson Daily, tonight's guest of honor."

He rose from his seat to shake my hand and I finally understood my mother's insistence on throwing this thing. "Nice to meet you." I say with my million dollar fake smile.

"The pleasure is all mine, Marissa. I've been telling your mother how much I've been wanting to personally thank you for going through all this trouble on such a short notice." His golden tongue was probably the reason he was as powerful as he was. That and the fact that he came from a long line of powerful and rich men, it all made perfect sense.

"It's not like I had very much of a choice." My mother shoots me a 'don't you dare' look. "I mean, how could I refuse someone so important to the very organization I've believed in since its founding?" My quick save pleased my mother, and Braiden seemed just as pleased with my reply.

"Well, I won't take up anymore of your time. Pleasure meeting you Marissa. I hope your company will grace mine again sometime soon." God I hate sweet talkers.

"Likewise." I escape my mother's grasp and walk up to my balcony, muttering nonsense like "Dirty cougar." I make sure to grab another drink before going to hide from the rest of Newport.

I don't know how long I stay out there, looking out towards the water. It seems like forever though. Then I hear someone walk up next to me. I know it is Alex before looking. My jealous self was still bitter about something I knew she couldn't control.

She says nothing for a while, but she still gives me exactly what I need. I see out of the corner of my eye Alex pouring my favorite flavor into my coke. Then I feel her put a cigarette in my mouth gently and light it up. Her mind reading ability was amazing.

I took a long, very needed drag, and she finally speaks. "So I'm still trying to figure it out. You said it's something that can affect your entire future, and the lives of those around you. I know for a fact it probably has something to do with Ryan. Then that also leads me to believe there must be another guy involved. But, I haven't seen you taking any interest in anybody else."

I stay silent, knowing if I said anything she'd figure out my secret. I couldn't afford her finding out just yet, so silence was my defense against her power. Her eyes stayed on me though, burning a hole through my skull with the fire her gaze emits.

"What's going on with you Marissa?"

"Why does everyone think that there's something going on with me? Why can't people just accept that this is the new me?"

She looked slightly taken aback with my outburst, but recovered quickly. "Because I know you. And I know when something's wrong." She touched my arm, and I gripped her hand like it was my only anchor to my rapidly fading world spinning around me. I didn't know if it'd be enough to keep me grounded. "You can tell me if something's wrong. I'm here for you Rissa."

I feel a tear fall from my cheek and I feel myself float away. "Why?"

"Because I care about you."

"You shouldn't." I shake my head a break from her grasp.

"What?"

"Look, don't you have people to serve?" Her mouth fell open and her blue eyes went wide. I knew that was the worst possible thing I could have said to her.

She didn't say anything as she turned to leave. That would have made me feel better about it. It would have made my hurting her be a little bit more justified. My silence was my defense, and hers was my death.

"Alex wait, I'm sorry!" I yell to her retreating figure. But it's too late. The damage was done, and there was no looking back. I drop my head into my hands and start sobbing. It was too much. I was hurting people now, and I didn't want to.

I ran into my room and grabbed my secret stash. I drink, and drink until the bottle's empty. My head is incredibly cloudy and my vision fades. My shell stumbles down to the party against any judgment I had left.

I see blurs of faces everywhere, and to those blurs I slur unintelligible words. All the sudden I get incredibly dizzy and fall into somebody's lap face first. I puke into the white fabric of a tux and I look up into the face of my victim. I recognize the face and think to myself, _"Vicious beast two, me one."_ Then I roll over onto the ground.

The last thing I remember before blacking out was the look of the brightest blue eyes I've ever seen looking worried down at me and arms carrying me somewhere.


	6. His Mental Assault

**AN: Hey people! I've officially reached my update goal for winter break. Just in time for school to start up again. So don't expect another chapter for a while. Anyways, this chapter is different than all the rest. I feel I needed to refresh my own interest in this story and this is the way I did it. Plus lots of people were bugging me about it… not really I just felt like doing it. What can I say? I'm a huge fan of spontaneous POV changes.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE, PLEASE READ: THIS CHAPTER SWITCHES TO ALEX'S POV! SO IF YOU GET CONFUSED LATER DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!**

Deciding to work that benefit was the worst idea I've ever had, and I've had A LOT of bad ideas. First of all, who wants to serve a bunch of snotty Newpsies? And you know when there's Newpsies, there are always going to be Newpsies in training around somewhere. Second of all, dirty old men and horny teenagers are NEVER fun to serve. Throw Ryan Asswood into the mix and I'm sure in for a hell of a night. But would I do it all again for a chance to see Marissa Cooper in that white dress she was wearing? Fuck yes, even if she's being a total drunk bitch.

I was still upset with her for what she said to me earlier that night. _"Don't you have people to serve?" _Really? Really? In that moment I have never been less attracted to her. It was like she took on the form of Julie Cooper, and I hated it. She acted like everyone else in this stupid ass town. But did I think she meant it? No, she was sorry for it. Or it least she better be when she wakes up and finds herself in my bedroom after making a total ass out of herself at the party.

It was actually very sad to see. I mean of all laps to puke on she chose the guest of honors. Her mother's face was hilarious though. Like a mixture of an angry rhino and a monkey. And whatever his names face? Priceless. All jokes aside though, seeing her like that, so vulnerable and in the light of everyone's prying eyes, I knew I had to do something. No matter how bitchy she had been to me earlier that night, I had to help her.

So I swooped in, Alex to the rescue. And with my head held high I picked her up and carried her to my jeep. She's actually extremely light. I was relieved to figure that out, not that she'd know if I dropped her. I'd probably just blame the headache on the hangover.

Lying on my bed next to her though, I can't help but be glad I was there to save her. Even after a night of drinking she still looked absolutely gorgeous while she was sleeping. And if I got to see that every time I had to carry her somewhere, it'd be worth it. Hell, everything would be worth it if I got to be the one to fall asleep next to her every night. I just wish she knew I thought that.

A knock at my front door breaks my thoughts. I hurry over to the incessant knocking, not wanting to wake up the sleeping beauty. I open the door and frown at the source of the loud noise. "Did I really get up for you?" I ask the unwanted guest before slamming the door in his face.

I start my journey back to Marissa when the knocking becomes banging. My patience was wearing really thin for this guy. I rush back to the door and open it, making sure to put my pissed off face on. "She's fucking sleeping you asshole!" I whisper angrily.

Ryan looks at me with that dumb expression that always seems to be there. "Where is she?" He tries to push himself into my safe haven and now I'm livid.

"Um excuse me; did I invite you in here?" I push him back outside. "You know I would think someone of your background would know proper etiquette, oh wait! That's right." He shakes off my insult with that look. "What do you want Atwood?"

"I'm here to take her home."

I laugh at him. "Yeah okay, here's the thing, as good an idea as that sounds, she's asleep and very comfortable, so I'd rather not disturb her." I lean against my door jam, amused with his late night arrival at my home.

"Julie's worried about her."

"Well, Julie can wait until morning."

"I want to see her Alex." I see his fists clench at his sides and his knuckles go white. He really needs to learn how to control his anger issues. Not that I mind being the one to piss him off. Messing with him was one of my favorite things to do. "I need to know if she's okay."

"She's fine, trust me."

"That's the thing, I don't."

"Oh right, because I'm a serial killer and I have your little girlfriend tied up right now. Probably a good thing you don't trust me." He rolls those beady little eyes of his. "I'll drop her off at her house in the morning. You want to see if she's okay, do it then. But I'm taking care of her tonight because when she needed you, you weren't there." He flinched and I knew I hit him where it hurt.

"Just because you were there at a convenient time doesn't give you any right to say you care more about her than I do."

I nod accepting this. "But the fact that I do care about her more than you does, right?"

"I need to see her Alex, she needs me." I don't budge. "Look, I know you care about her. That's pretty obvious. So if you know what's good for her, you'll just leave her alone, and let her get on with her life."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're bad for her Alex. The sooner you realize that the better."

"You think you're better than me Atwood? That you're all high and mighty because you have money and a picture perfect family? You actually have the audacity to come up to me in my home and say you're better than me? Then let me ask you this: Where the hell were you tonight? Where the hell were you last month when someone tried to feel her up on the dance floor? Where the hell were you when some crazy bitches were trying to pick a fight with her? Where the hell were you when she was high off her ass because of something slipped to her? Where the hell were you when she was crying about you abandoning her?" I get up closer to his face. "You may be better than me, but at least I'm there for her when she needs me. And until the day she no longer needs me, I'm staying right where I am."

He shakes his head and steps back. "This isn't over."

"Walk away," I warn. "Before I have to kick your ass back to Chino where you belong." He leaves with his tail between his legs and his pride wounded. But his presence leaves me scarred.

_"You're bad for her Alex. The sooner you realize that the better." _His words resound in my head repeatedly. His mental assault unrelenting as I lay down next to the girl of my dreams. Maybe I was bad for her. Maybe her life would be better by now if I hadn't come into the picture. All I know is that whenever she was with me she seemed happy. But do I relieve enough pain to balance out that of which I cause?

Marissa seems to stir next to me and I prepare myself for her waking up. But she never does, she just rolls herself over and attaches herself to me, resting her head on my arm. I'm forced to wonder if her subconscious mind knows what she's doing to me, if it knows how she makes me feel when she accidently does things like that.

I determine that it has to know how much it teases me when she says "Alex" in her sleep. I sigh hoping that this might make me sleep better that night, or at least make me have better dreams. But that hope is lost when I also hear the word "Ryan".

I wake up way too early the next morning, torn from a dream plagued with the same words Ryan had said the night before. I try to fall back asleep but it seems Marissa has a habit of stealing every single blanket and sheet that was on the bed and sprawling out diagonally across the mattress after a long night of drinking. After determining the sight was too cute to ruin by fighting back onto my side and reclaiming my blankets mine again I walk out to the living room to see if I'd have any better luck on the couch.

No such luck though. It seems I wasn't imagining that my couch hurt like hell while Jodie was here. Settling for staring at the ceiling I start to count every spot on the roof. 1, 2, 3, 4,… As fun as figuring out that there was 647,983 dots on the ceiling was, I tried to figure out something better I could be doing.

_"I could really go for a surf right now." _I think to myself. That idea was quickly ruled out when I realized that would risk not being here when Marissa woke up.

"_Is it too early to start drinking?" _The mildly insane part of me asks myself.

"_6:15? Yes, that is too early to start drinking."_ Answers the other part.

"_But it's five o'clock somewhere!" _The internal battle with myself commences and I have a feeling it's not going to be a short fight.

"_We have to work tomorrow, and we don't want to be totally hung over."_

"_But we won't be hung over if we just don't stop drinking."_ The war goes on and on and I finally realize that I'm going nuts. But that doesn't stop myself from moving onto different topics.

"_We should have kicked Ryan's ass last night." _Says the part in favor of drinking.

"_At least then we'd have wounds to attend to."_

"_Or alibis to form!"_ On that note I look at the clock and realize it's 11:45. I find it almost comical that I was literally arguing with myself for five and a half hours. I probably would have started up again if I hadn't heard a groan coming from the hallway and a stumbling Marissa emerge.

She looks as if she's holding her head together with her hands and her eyes are closed due to the light shining in from the windows. I quickly get up to close the blinds and she looks gratefully at me. "How do you feel?" I ask her leading her over to the counter to sit down.

"Like I got hit by a semi-truck and dragged under it for thirty miles. So I imagine as shitty as I look." She replies groggily.

"You look fine." I reply pouring her orange juice and handing her a thing of aspirin.

"Thank you."

"Breakfast of champions right there."

She takes the pills and then says, "That's not what I meant."

I smile at her. "Anytime."

She nods and sit in silence for a while. "Is there anything I did last night that I should be worried about?"

I chuckle knowing just how much went on with her at the party. She was not going to like hearing any of it. "You mean other than going straight up super bitch on me?"

She pushes her hair from her eyes and her mouth hangs a little bit in surprise. "What did I do?"

"You said, and I quote 'Look, don't you have people to serve?'"

Her hand covers her mouth and she shakes her head. "I didn't really say that to you did I?" I nod. "Oh my god Alex, I am so sorry. I have no idea what got into me. I would never say anything like that to hurt you, you know that right?"

I look at her for a while, and she seemed genuinely sorry about it, so I was willing to forgive her. "Yeah. Yeah, I know you wouldn't. It just caught me off guard a little bit. No big deal."

"Did I do anything else incredibly stupid?"

"Well you got into an argument with Ryan."

"I actually remember that."

"Well do you remember puking all over your mom's new friend's lap?"

Her mouth fell open again. "Shit. You're kidding right? I hope to god you're kidding. I am begging for you to tell me this is payback."

"Nope, unfortunately I'm not kidding."

"And I missed the look on the she-devil's face! Damn it!" She genuinely looked more upset that she missed the look on her mom's face than her actually throwing up on the guy's lap.

"I have to admit it was probably the highlight of the whole thing." I also told her about how the whole party was still for like a whole minute, and the music stopped playing. Also how we were all just looking at you giggling on the ground. Then how I, Alex Kelly, saved the day by picking her up and driving her here.

"She's gonna kill me. I'm literally afraid for my life right now Alex, help me. I cannot go home."

"Sorry, no can do." She frowned at me. Maybe if it wasn't so damn cute I'd try harder not to make that face happen. "She's worried about you." She gave me a look. "Well your friends are. And since I'm not one of the core four I'm not deemed trustworthy enough to take care of you longer than necessary, so we should go soon."

"Who said that?"

I shrugged. "A little birdy told me. Come on, let's go."

"But Lexi…" She drones out with a pout. It was so hard to say no to that face, but I had to. If anything else just to prove a point. I had to learn how to say no to that girl. I had to learn how to walk away.

We drove all the way to her house with her complaining the whole time. Pleading with me to turn around. I parked in her driveway and looked at her.

"She's waiting for me. I can feel it. Are you sure you don't wanna take me to work with you today?"

"Yeah I'm sure. But hey if you need someone to drive you to the hospital hit me up." I say with a smirk.

She pushes me. "That isn't funny." She insists. "Nice knowing you Alex." I laugh at her drama queen antics. "If I don't make it tell Summer I love her. And… and… my car is yours, along with my care bear. My last request is that you clear out my secret stash before my dad comes and searches through my room."

"Yeah I'll make sure to do that."

"Thanks for everything. Stay golden ponyboy." She walks away with that crooked smile on her face. She knew she was in trouble, but she'd get through it. I mean how bad could Julie Cooper really be?


	7. Mr BAD

**AN: I am totally sorry for the delay in an update, but my schedule has been kicking my ass. But it's here now, so enjoy it, if you can. While writing this a totally evil idea popped into my head. And it is really, really mean to my characters but I had to do it. The idea was too golden to not use it. It will definitely make this more interesting, and a lot longer than I originally planned. But I finally know pretty much exactly how this is going to work out. Hopefully the next update will take less time than this one, but no promises as usual. I also noticed some of you enjoyed my POV change, and I did too, but I had to switch back to Marissa. Alex will get another turn in a few chapters or so, I promise, but until then you'll have to deal with the moody musings of Marissa Cooper. Read and review, and 1,000,000 points if you can spot the pop culture reference in this chapter.**

_RUN! _I yell to myself as soon as I walk through the front door. I fucked up last night. Big time. And not even just with puking on Mr. Daily's lap. The things I said to Alex were unforgivable. If she wasn't such an amazing person she wouldn't have forgiven me so easily. I'd probably still be lying on the floor outside if it wasn't for her.

But she was going to have to learn eventually. I say things, I do things that don't make any sense. I'm hard to control. I hurt people if they get too close. Reaching the breaking point was one of my greatest fears. Saying something that pushes beyond the point of no return. Doing something to make someone I love leave me forever. Leave me alone.

I wasn't s self-sufficient like Alex was. I wasn't dependable like Ryan. I wasn't loyal like Seth. I wasn't strong like Summer. I wasn't devious like my mother. I wasn't smart like my father. I was just… me. If I didn't have people around me strong enough to handle themselves and me, I wouldn't last a day. Let's face it, I would lose myself faster than it took to lose all of them.

My mother was waiting for me on the stairs, so doing anything other than stopping would have been useless. She didn't look happy at all. Her lips were drawn in a flat line and her hands were on her hips. Her eyes were looking disapprovingly at me. "Marissa." She says sharply. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I love you mommy?" It was my last ditch effort to save my life. And I distinctly remember it working for my sister when she stole my mom's lipstick. Then again she was about seven and still cute. Plus my mother actually liked her.

"Do you have any idea the explaining I had to do to keep Mr. Daily from catching the first flight back home last night? Do you have any idea how humiliated I was telling him my sixteen year old daughter is an alcoholic?"

"Look… I'm sorry. Believe it or not, I didn't do it just to spite you. It was a complete accident and I will give a personal apology to Mr. Daily if he'll permit it." It would have been a whole lot funnier if I'd done it on purpose. But I didn't, and now with the look she was giving me, I sure wish I'd held my alcohol better.

"You bet your ass you will. Luckily for you I was able to smooth it over. We might just be able to save this thing. You will be going to dinner with him tonight and you will be a presentable young lady. You will abide by the manners I raised you with and you will impress him."

"Why do you want me to go to dinner with your new boy toy?" I had said I would apologize, but anybody who has captured my mom's interest this much isn't somebody I want to spend time with. I learned that much with Caleb.

The reaction I received isn't the one I expected. It wasn't the angry glance I'd hoped for, but it was an amused look and a laugh. She then looked at me like I had to be joking, but when she realized I was serious, she said "He's not my boy toy Marissa, he's your suitor."

Hunched over the toilet and crying my eyes out was how Ryan found me. His spoken comforts and attempts at consoling my tortured soul seemed so distant to my innermost chambers of comprehension. I heard his lack of eloquence stumbling around trying to find the right words and appreciated his attempt, but some things can't be helped with sweet words. Maybe his words didn't support my deteriorating mental health but his looks did.

They told me everything. Like how everything would be okay and how much he knew I'd get through this. They'd also told me that we had been through worse. He didn't know what this was though. He didn't know what this meant. Had we been through a lot? Hell yes. But had we been through worse than this? I really didn't think so. So when that look told me that everything would be okay I wanted to believe him. But I didn't.

Next thing I knew I was hurling again. I was unsure if it was the killer hangover or the recent discovery of my mother's plans. She was evil. I had joked around that she was the devil incarnate before, but if anything could prove it this was. She was actually going to lead her own daughter into a life of complete misery because of her avaricious tendencies. I hated her; her and that rich bastard.

Because of her and Daily I was never going to have the life I'd always wanted. Not the rich, fast life everyone had always imagined for me. I didn't want to be a successful high-roller in the fashion industry, I wanted to be doing something that I loved; I didn't want to be a trophy wife, I wanted to be with somebody that treated me like I was the best thing that ever happened to them; I didn't want to live in a house with more space than I knew what to do with, I wanted to live in a modest house on the beach; I didn't want the highlight of my every day to be watching the husband I didn't really love walking out the front door to visit one of his mistresses.

I knew what I wanted now. I wanted to be with someone that made my heart jump every time I heard her key in the door. But it was too late. I'd missed my chance to figure out what I wanted. I missed my chance to decide, and the choice was made for me. Just like Alex said. I didn't end up having to choose between two of the most important people in my life, I ended up losing my life.

"Marissa?" Someone's voice snakes itself into my head, into my life. I wake up from my trance and find myself in a local restaurant. It's night time, and by the look of all the people in the restaurant it's about seven. I wouldn't think anything of it if that hadn't been my second time jump in two weeks. This might be a lot more serious than I thought, but I had bigger things to deal with.

Mr. Daily was sitting in front of me, looking annoyed. "Sorry." I say weakly. "Excuse me." I stand and turn towards the restroom. I splash water on my face once I enter trying to remember anything that may be vital to continuing this 'date'. He couldn't know that I wasn't mentally present half the time.

Ryan found me in the bathroom. We stayed there for a while until he moved me onto my bed. I finally stopped crying eventually and then… I told him. I told him my mom's plan.

_*Flashback*_

_He stared at me blankly for about two minutes until he asked me if I was messing with him. I told him that he was blonder than I thought if her though I would kid about something this big. "How? You're only sixteen."_

_ "That's old enough with parent permission."_

_ "You don't have to consent Marissa."_

_ "I won't have a choice Ryan! She'll find a way. She always does. She gets what she wants and that's the end of the story."_

_ "How can you just give up like this?"_

_ "Do I have a choice? If I don't come to terms with this now, I'm going to be in even more trouble later."_

_ "We'll get through this Marissa. We always do."_

_ "Not this time Ryan, not this time." He looks away. "Just don't tell anyone. You have to promise me you'll keep it a secret. Not anyone, not Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, but especially not a word to Alex."_

_ "Okay. But people are going to find out sooner or later."_

_ "I know… I just can't handle seeing her reaction right now."_

_*End Flashback*_

I hated keeping secrets, especially from Alex, but it had to be done. She could not find out until I was long gone. I couldn't imagine the way she would react if she found out sooner.

I notice how well the dark circles under my eyes were covered and how well the green dress I had on fit. _Autopilot me might just be better than me at being me. _After regaining the little bit of composure I had left I walked back out to the table and sat across the man of my nightmares.

"Are you okay?" Any sincerity his voice may have carried was tarnished by his look of irritation. Good to know he was as compassionate as he appeared.

"Yeah, I'm just pretty tired."

"Bad day? You wanna talk about it?"

"Not- I just- My mom kind of tore into me pretty hard for making a fool of myself last night, that and the… guilt I felt took a toll."

"I can understand the tiredness. Being the business man I am doesn't promote much rest." I wasn't surprised he didn't feel the guilt part of my explanation.

"And what is it you do exactly?"

"I-handle relations between government properties and such with private businesses and investors… remember? I told you that earlier."

"Oh… I'm sorry. I've been really absentminded lately and-"

"So what is it exactly that you're on?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just curious, if someone were to find out it might affect me on a negative scale. That is unless it's not that serious, but either way I can afford to get you off of it no problem. I just need to know for future reference."

I feel my mouth fall open and my eyes widen in shock. I never imagined someone like him accusing me of being on something. Did it really look like that? Random fits of anger, lack of appetite, recklessness, time jumps… damn. "I'm not… Alex?"

There was no chance of coincidence in my life anymore. Everything happened deliberately, all just to fuck my life up. What else explains Alex walking past me in a restaurant she's never been interested in going to, with a companion I might add, on the very same night as my 'date' with Daily?

She turns around quickly, hearing my voice, and calls "Hey Marissa!" She approaches, her little friend in tow. "Good to see you're still breathing."

My smile quickly fades when Daily chimes in and extends his hand to Alex. "I'm Braiden Anderson Daily, pleasure to meet one of Marissa's friends."

"Actually we met last night, I worked your party." Her irritation was rivaled by Daily's. It was actually humorous to witness their stare down. I hadn't seen her size someone up like that since the first time she met Ryan.

"Oh, and you were just doing that part time surely. You must have something other than bartending."

"Actually I don't. In fact if it wasn't for Kris here showing up, I probably wouldn't even be able to afford looking at this place. Not that you're… generous salary helped that situation."

"Well it was nice seeing you, let's go Alex. Have a nice dinner you two." Kris tries to drag Alex away and manages to get her out of the restaurant, but she isn't far enough away to help my mouth thinking faster than my head.

"Braiden if you don't mind I think I'll get going now too. I have a project I need to work on tomorrow." I stand abruptly.

"But we haven't been served our entrée."

"I'm not hungry. I'm sorry again for last night. Goodnight." I run out of there trying to catch up to Alex. She's leaning against the railing looking out towards the water when I find her. I start to approach when I see Kris walk up beside her and hand her and ice cream cone. I stop dead in my tracks. They looked so… happy. Laughing and smiling together. I knew it was supposed to be me there, with her. But it couldn't be. Not anymore.

That didn't stop me from going over there, probably ruining Kris's night. "Hey." I say touching Alex's shoulder gently. She turns her head to me and smiles. Those gray/blue eyes showing more than she could ever say.

In that moment, it was as if everything changed. The world slowed, and everything else faded away. I felt like I could finally tell her what I really thought whenever I looked at her, and it would make a difference. A part of her was begging me to say it, to not care what would happen and just say it. I might have, if it wasn't for her friend making her unimportant presence known once more.

"Hello Marissa." Kris says with a tone of spite. She did it on purpose, she broke our peace to remind Alex that she was the one with her. I didn't like her already.

"Hi…"

"Kris." She says shortly. "Alex, I need to get going soon. I have that appointment tomorrow."

"Bye. Thanks for tonight." Alex turns her attention to the other girl.

"Yeah… I'll call you." Disappointment is clear in her voice as she walks away.

I watch her leave, burning holes into the back of her neck before saying, "You wanna go for a walk?" Alex nods and loops her arms through mine, leading me down towards the water.

I feel the weight of needing to clear the air on both our nightly affairs earlier so I try to start it off. "She seems nice."

"Oh yeah, nice enough she's gonna punch me in the throat the next time she sees me." She chuckles and then goes silent. After I remain quiet she finally gets the hint and says, "She's just an old friend from LA visiting for a while. What about Mr. B.A.D.?"

I hated lying to her. "Um… my mom just wanted me to apologize with a nice dinner. That's all."

She nods before asking, "Do you think he changed his name so his initials would spell out the word bad?" I laugh. She looked at me like she was asking a serious question and I'm forced to wonder what really goes on in her head. Was it always just really hilarious commentary and random thoughts? Or was it something deeper than that? Was it because she wanted to find the deeper truth in everything? Or because she just couldn't concentrate on anything for longer than to ask one seemingly irrelevant question? I probably would never know. But I wanted to. So I humored her.

"I don't know why he would do that."

"He seems like the type of guy to do something like that. I knew a guy once that changed his first name to Fabian so his full name was Fabian Aaron Gonzalez." I find myself laughing again out of pure disbelief. I call B.S. and she launches into this huge story trying to prove his existence and the fact that he actually did this.

Afterwards I finally decide to pretend to believe her and say, "Maybe his parents decided to be funny."

"Or maybe he wants to pretend to like he's a badass."

"No, if I know anything about him it was probably some really complicated business move that neither of us have any chance of understanding."

"Maybe it's a warning. Trying to say that he's BAD news."

"Well that I can agree with."


	8. Our Miserable Harmony

**AN:HI! I'm back! This chapter came out extremely schizophrenic and choppy, and as many times as I tried to rewrite it (8 times!), it came out the same way. I guess that's what you get when you try to fight threw a major writer's block. I noticed that a lot of you liked my Alex chapter, and she is coming back soon with another whole chapter of her own, so get pumped for that. As usual read and review. I won't even consider writing the next chapter until I have two reviews on this one (I do that all the time, that's just the first time I've warned you). Until then my readers… **

A wave crashing into your body, engulfing your entire being is what some say love feels like when you first know it. Others say that's what an epiphany resembles, and yet others say fear. But what is it closest to in reality? Is it cold hard relief of the truth you've been running from, shaking you to your core and waking you from the ignorant slumber you've been subdued in for days, weeks, maybe even months? Or is it simply a bucket of water literally being thrown onto you and waking you up? For me it seemed to be the latter.

After the initial shock of suddenly being soaked I open my eyes, vision cloudy from the unexpected hit of sobriety. The water was insanely cold, resulting in an instantly shivering Marissa Cooper. I blink a couple times, and then rub my eyes. I study my surroundings and realize my recent theory of being woken up was false, considering the fact that I'm standing up.

I then notice I'm in Alex's office, and that there is a very unhappy blonde badass standing in front of me holding a large bucket at her side. Her pursed lips automatically telling me that I was probably in trouble.

I probably shouldn't say anything, given my companion's current state of anger, but me being the girl I am, I suddenly feel the need to question her motives about throwing at least ten gallons of water all over me. "What the fuck?"

"Don't you dare what the fuck me Marissa." She drops the bucket angrily and crosses her arms. "Are you sober enough to yell at yet?"

"If I say yes will I be saved from another bucket of water?"

"Either way you might just get that bucket shoved up your ass!" Alex was never a good person to piss off, I'd learned that purely from observation, but when she is actually angry with you, it was an entire different ball game. Those eyes that could so easily illuminate my soul with warmth seemed to peer into the very depths of my soul, searching for the truth in my actions. Her body language begged the question that had always seemed to be asked 'What the hell is wrong with you, Marissa?' She'd never say it out loud, she didn't have to. But everyone asks it at least once in their time of knowing me. Hell, I ask that of myself constantly, but no matter how hard I try, I can never find the answer. I didn't know the single corrupted portion of my being; it all just seemed to point to the very probable fact that everything was wrong with me.

"What the hell is your problem?"

Her mouth falls open and she looks as if she's seriously shocked at my statement. "My problem? My problem? Do you have any idea what you've just done?"

"Would I really ask if I knew?"

"Please tell me you're joking!" I keep that confused look on my face and it seems to convince her that I seriously have no idea what's going on. It's pretty obvious that it's another one of those time jump things, but I had no idea how long it's been. I might have been worried had a more pressing issue not been staring me in the face. I was pretty sure there was something clinically wrong with my health, but it could wait until after I've been chewed out by my punk princess "You're not joking." She shakes her head. "Marissa a fucking inspector came into the club tonight, and you know what he got to see? A table dancing minor who had obviously been drinking more than anybody should. You know what he's going to report? That we're serving to minors now. Do you have any idea the trouble I could get in for this? I'm a seventeen year-old bartender managing a nightclub. You think that's legal? An investigation could shut this place down, and if they think I'm serving teenagers I could do time. That's my problem Marissa!"

My knees give out and I fall onto the conveniently placed couch in her office, processing exactly the damage I'd done. She'd never served anyone underage, well here at least, but she could get into trouble for it because of me. "Alex I-"

"Don't say it."

"I'm so sorry Alex, I didn't mean to. I don't even remember-"

"I told you not to say it." She sits next to me and slouches against the cushion.

"Alex, I would never do anything like that in my right mind, you know that. I know my limits; everything is just so weird lately."

"You're the only thing that's been weird lately."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell them that you had nothing to do with it. It was all me and that… god damned flask." My head's killing me all of the sudden, I'm not sure if the cause is the alcohol it seems I've consumed that night or the fact that I've been blacking out for long periods of time.

"You don't have to. All he's got right now is his words… I wouldn't let him breathalyzer you, so you're safe. I just… have to be on my best behavior until this is all over… and you have to keep out of here for now."

"I will… whatever it takes to fix it. I just can't believe I did that."

"You've been saying that a lot lately." She observes.

"I have?"

"Practically every day this week you've done something stupid. You don't remember?" She moves herself so she's kneeling on the ground studying me closely, looking worried. "Marissa what is the last thing you remember?"

"The beach after dinner with Mr. BAD."

"That was like a week and half ago! How long has this been going on?"

"Almost two months." The look she gave me was that of pure concern. She wasn't still angry about me practically ruining her job. She wasn't upset about my recklessness. She was just… scared, for me. Because she didn't want to see me hurt.

"And you haven't said anything? God! Marissa! Come with me!" She grabbed my hand and dragged my soaking wet self into her jeep, and then driving me to what I could only assume was a hospital.

**(ALEX'S POV)**

Nothing compares to that feeling of utter helplessness you get while sitting in a rock hard hospital chair, waiting for any news. The speed of the questions and concerns flowing through your head breaks any record speed you might have reached while driving. And you still can't do anything but wait, unless of course you feel the need to vent your frustrations on underpaid orderly's or interns.

I can't even do that with Marissa sitting there though, watching me go out of my mind shaking my leg, crossing and uncrossing my arms, banging against my thighs and chair. I probably make it a little too obvious that if anything were to happen to her I might just explode, but at this point I don't care.

"Do you think I should tell someone your about to have an aneurism?" She asks me from her seat on the hospital bed. I let her question go unanswered and just look at her. How could I have not realized something was wrong? Why didn't she tell me? Her smile fades when I put on my serious face. "Alex it's going to be okay."

"You're having fucking blackouts Marissa! And not the stupid short ones that you say Summer gets sometimes, but ones that could legitimately be side effects of something more serious! How can you know that everything is going to be okay?"

"I just… do, okay? It has to all work out fine." She better hope everything works out fine, because I swear to god if she's dying I might have to kick her ass.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you."

"Then why would you keep something like this from me?"

"I guess I just didn't want to worry you."

"Well you did a great job with that didn't you?"

"Alex, come on, stop being so glum. You used to be fun."

"I just found out I might be getting fired and arrested, okay? And to top it all off I find out that… you're sick, or something. It hasn't been a very great day. I'm sorry for not being in the mood for stupid banter."

"I said I was sorry for-"

"Okay, no, Marissa. You think I care about that shit? Well newsflash, I don't when it's compared to you being hurt. I lo- You're just… really, really important to me and I do not know what I'd do if I lost you."

Her loss of words was evident after my little spiel, and I worried that I had said too much. But after a bit of an awkward silence she cracks a smile and says, "So when are you going to inform me that damage I've done this last week?"

"It hasn't been that much really, you've just been really… drunk I guess. But you said something about your mom making you apologize for not apologizing correctly the first time to Mr. BAD over another dinner. And Officer Ryan has been watching you like a hawk lately, you yelled at him for giving you shit about coming to see me earlier. You crashed someone's party. Summer may or may not be plotting to chop your head off the next time she sees you, for a reason you didn't share with me, and Seth blames you for him not getting laid in a couple weeks. Oh yeah, and you have a term paper due tomorrow morning."

"Great. I'm glad I haven't gotten into too much trouble." She rolls her eyes in that classic uptown girl way of hers and smiles. "Alex I think-" She's cut off by the door opening and the doctor walking in.

"I'm sorry for the delay ladies, I was getting a second opinion. That's why it took me so long."

"Why would you need a second opinion?" I hear myself ask.

"Just to verify what I've determined… as people usually do when they ask for a second opinion." His rather snide remark was unwelcome with the day I'd had. I deserved to be a little bit worried, and no thirty-something year old virgin was going to get sarcastic at me because of that.

"Don't they teach bedside manners in med school?"

"Didn't they tell you guys that only family is allowed in the room while waiting for results? Where are your parents?" He directs the first rhetorical question to me, but the second to Marissa.

"Yours must be waiting for you to come home so they can reheat your supper for you, you know tuck you in, kiss your forehead. The usual."

Marissa shoots me a look for my comment, but then decides to answer his question. "My dad's sailing around Hawaii somewhere and my mom is…"

"At home banging her ancient step dad." I finish.

The awkward man clears his throat and loosens his tie. "Well then, your symptoms don't look as if they point to something really serious. And the blackouts are probably due to a combination of stress and sleep deprivation."

"So what do I have to do to stop it from happening again?"

"The usual things when trying to stop something caused by stress and sleep deprivation, you know get some sleep and keep your stress levels down." He looked at her like it was the most stupid thing to ask, and my tolerance for this guy was wearing thin. "Go to yoga… or whatever you teenagers do nowadays. Just lay off from too much homework in one night and you should be fine."

"Well I really don't think that will be a problem." I suggest with a smirk that automatically receives a smack in the arm from Marissa.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah, just make sure to come back in if things get more serious, or if you have any concerns." We stood to leave when he decided to remember one more stipulation in her getting better. "Oh, and one more thing; any intake of alcohol might induce a blackout."

_Damn!_

**(Marissa's POV)**

I do the wrong thing all the time. I say the wrong thing even more often. But nobody has ever really had the heart to tell me I was a fuckup before. Not that anyone had told me I was good at anything either, until Alex that is. I guess there's a first time for everything.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Cheering ensued all around me, encouraging me further to do the wrong thing. I'd learned at an early age how to correctly chug through a beer bong, and in this race I was currently competing in, well… let's just say I was kicking some serious ass.

My original intentions weren't wrong at all. I was just planning on meeting Alex on the beach because I couldn't go into the club. She had been taking FOREVER when I saw some serious raging going on under the pier, it called to me. So I went to go check it out and some big and burly, meathead looking guy was completely dominating everyone there in drinking competitions, and naturally, the only thing I could do was call him out.

Long story short I was extremely intoxicated at the moment. "Done!" I slur throwing the evil thing onto the ground and raising my hands in the air. The cheers grow louder and I'm officially declared the heavy weight champion of the drinking decathlon. "Yes!"

The achievement soon loses its glamour when I turn around and look straight into the disappointed eyes of Alex Kelly.

"Congratulations, you've officially been declared best alcoholic." She turns and walks away, and I almost let her leave me behind. It would have been better for her. To leave me behind like everyone else has. But I couldn't let her walk away, not yet.

"Alex wait!"

She turns and looks at me with unadulterated pain in her eyes. And in that moment, I'd realized what I'd really been putting her through. What if the positions had been reversed? Could I watch Alex destroy herself as I was? "Wait for what? You to kill yourself Marissa? Do you really expect me to sit by and watch that?"

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"Did you not hear that doctor tell you that drinking could induce a blackout? Were you gone during that too? Are you even with me now?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm with you and yes I heard him."

"Then why the fuck would you do something as stupid as that? Are you trying to lose it? What if this was the time you didn't come back? Did you think about that?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm stupid? That I fucked up? That I acted irresponsibly? Because I fully admit to all of those things Alex. I'm sorry." At this point we were on her front doorstep. She looked at me as she opened her door, after a hesitation she ushered me in.

She didn't speak for a while as she paced back and forth in front of me. "Why?"

"I'm just… dealing with a lot lately."

"Then tell me what's on your mind. I can help you." She kneels in front of me to get to eye level and takes my hand in hers.

"I- I- I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because… I just can't."

"Is this about that decision of a lifetime thing you were talking about awhile back?"

"I guess so. Sort of."

"You're letting something like this affect you this much?" She dropped my hand and stood, growing more irritated by the second.

"You don't understand. It's complicated. Lives could change."

"Damn it Marissa! Life isn't like that, okay?" I stand startled with her sudden jump in volume. "You want to live a certain way you do whatever you can to do it! Whatever your situation is, you take it, because otherwise you are not going to get it! Just because you choose a certain path does not mean that path is definitive! You want something you fucking take it, and it's as simple as that!" She was coming step for step closer to me, but I hadn't noticed.

I did notice however how angry I was getting with her. She didn't understand. It didn't work like that, at least not in my experience. "I never see you taking your own advice!"

"What advice? I'm just telling you the truth."

"When in your life have you ever seen what you wanted and just grabbed for it? Not caring about the consequences, just doing it. You want to tell me what I should do, then maybe you should lead by example."

"You don't want me to take what I want." She said as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. She didn't though, clearly. Because I was thinking about how hot she was when she was angry.

"I fucking dare you." Those four words were what made my life even more complicated. Any other word choice would have ended the conversation, and what happened next would not have happened. But as I should have known, Alex was never one to turn down a dare.

"Really? Fine!" And her lips were suddenly on mine in some sort of magical anger induced fit of misjudgment, her skillful hands holding my face exactly where she wanted it.

Everything that had been building inside of me for this girl was put into that kiss because I was afraid as soon as it was over she would realize that it was all a mistake, letting me into her home, letting me into her heart. So did I kiss her back without any hesitation once so ever? Hell yes.

In a not so smooth way I wrapped my arms around her and pulled Alex closer to me, hoping to god this wasn't a dream, and thanking him at the same time that I'm actually mentally present at this time. Once she figures out that I'm not going to shove her off of me she drops her hands to my hips, lightly squeezing the skin exposed.

The first taste of her tongue probably would have been the very best moment of my life if she hadn't broken the lip lock right that second. She backed away and refused to meet my confused gaze. "I'm sorry. I… I don't know what got into me."

"You don't-"

"Marissa, I think you should go."

"Alex-"

"Marissa, you really need to leave."

This was the second moment in the span of ten minutes that I made a life-changing word choice. Instead of walking away I took a step closer to Alex, forcing her into a wall. "No." I leaned in and planted soft kisses on the underside of her jawline. I receive a gasp when I suck on her pulse point. "This is what I want."

Alex says and does nothing but tries her hardest to resist my charms. She stands stick straight against the wall she's backed into, shakes her head like she cannot believe this is happening, and clasps her eyes shut. But I move on, kissing up and down all of her exposed skin, sucking in places I knew she would love.

It was only the slightest bit discouraging to know I was the only one willing to participate at this point. But I almost had her in my grasp. Alex's defenses were quivering under my fingers, and she was close to giving in, I felt it. The way she was struggling to avoid looking at me at all costs, the way she fought herself to lean into my touch, and the way she tried to smuggle her sounds of pleasure.

I finally had her when my fingers found the skin just barely hidden by the hem of her shirt. She captured my lips in a powerful kiss and the next thing I knew I was on my back in her heaven worthy bed. She was hovering over me with a dark look in her eyes. There was no sign of a smile anywhere but her tenderness and care were felt everywhere. She touched my face before she kissed me, and I didn't need any reassurance in my actions.

She felt for me, whether she wanted to admit it or not, and I loved her, like a lot. In that moment I didn't need to know what tomorrow would bring. I didn't have to worry about marriage, or evil mothers, or ex-boyfriends that just made things more complicated. It was just me and her, and it was beautiful. I knew then I could stay like that forever, and I wanted to. With this thought we settled into our simple, miserable harmony, tears of passion and all.


	9. My World Falls Down: Part 1

**AN: Hey people! I'm early this week, but everyone was so good with their reviewing I had to reward you with a little bit of a chapter. Part Two of this chapter will hopefully by out by next week; start to bug me about it if it's not. You people seemed to like the last chapter a lot even though it was extremely jumpy, thankfully. This chapter is also sort of like the last, well structure wise at least. As always, two reviews until I start writing the next chapter. Enjoy… or not… bwahahaha! Warning, things are not always as happy as they seem, sorry… I had to do it to make room for the following plot. Don't hate me! The chapter after next will be the full Alex chapter! Yay!**

The morning after was always portrayed in those romance movies and TV as some sacred experience, like it's the one thing that no amount of drama or problems could get in the way of. The main character was supposed to get that one ounce of happiness with her lover by the end of the film. They were supposed to talk about how great of a time they had, how much they loved each other, about how they didn't want to get out of bed and face the world. It was supposed to be a sanctuary. Oh how the media misleads us.

I'd imagined the nights like the previous with Alex an embarrassing amount of times, and with each of those times pictured a movie worthy morning after. Did I get what I'd hoped for the night of? All that and more. Did I get my peaceful morning after? Hell no.

Instead of waking up in a hopeless mess of sheets and limps, tied together like the connections within your two hearts, I woke up alone and freezing my ass off. Instead of a warm breakfast in bed, I received a container of aspirin and a glass of water (not that I wasn't extremely grateful, because I had a bitch of a hangover). She could have at least left a cute little note, damn it! Or called, that would have been nice. But no, I received nothing but sore limps, a major headache, and a terrible morning full of depressing thoughts. So, to put it sort, I was pretty pissed off.

_**(Alex's POV, earlier that morning)**_

_ Bad Alex! Very, very bad Alex! What the hell were you thinking? She was drunk as shit, and her judgment is always clouded! But damn was it amazing… like seriously, awesome. I'd definitely wanna do that again. NO! Stop it! Never again!_

_ No matter how enjoyable it was (so damn enjoyable) it was a terrible idea. It wasn't my fault though; Marissa could be extremely persuasive when she wanted to be. A seductress by nature it seems. I had no chance from the very beginning. But I really shouldn't have kissed her; I really, really shouldn't have kissed her. _

_ That's why I left so early for work. Because it shouldn't have happened. She probably didn't even want it to happen. God, she might have even been blacked out. I'd tried to leave without a second thought, and had actually made it outside the front door without turning around. I wanted to treat her like she was just another one night stand. Like all I felt for her was pure lust and need to satisfy a craving. I wanted her to just be another notch in my bedpost, to be able to leave nothing but maybe a text saying 'Be gone by the time I come home'. But in reality she meant so much more than that. I was willing to bet that she was… it for me. I couldn't be so cold. _

_ So I climbed out of my jeep before I drove away, walked back into the house and decided to which extent I should acknowledge what had happened the previous night. I couldn't stay until she woke up, I'd be late for work and I'd have to confront her. I couldn't leave a note because that'd be awkward if she was blacked out and didn't remember a thing. So… aspirin and water. I leave that for her on a regular basis, so nothing would be out of the ordinary, but that would also let her know that'd I thought about her before leaving. Yes, that's what I'll do._

_ Finally after getting distracted watching her sleep, I arrive at work unsurprised to find Kris there. She'd been helping out around the club ever since coming to Newport, and was trying to fight against that inspector's case._

_ "Hey, did you ever find Marissa last night?" She greets me with cheerfully. I merely grunt in response thinking that'll explain everything to my close friend. "You're here awfully early."_

_ "I hadn't noticed."_

_ "Bad night?"_

_ "Just the opposite actually."_

_ "Do you wanna talk about it?"_

_ "Hey, if I wanted to walk about it, why didn't I bring it up?"_

_ "You should know by now that your stupid, immature, abrasiveness whenever you're in a bad mood lost its effect on me a long time ago. I have a feeling though, that it doesn't get you very many new friends"_

_ "You seem to like my stupid immatureness enough. I think I can make plenty of new friends."_

_ "Fine then, don't talk to me. I'll just be over here, investigating shit for you because I like doing free labor." She slammed down whatever stack of papers she was carrying and looked at me through those hazel-colored eyes of hers._

_ Her guilt trip worked and I stopped what I was doing, looked at her and said, "I slept with Marissa last night."_

_ Kris shakes off this news so fast someone who hadn't known her since the second grade as I have wouldn't have known it affected her at all. But I saw her eyebrow twitch in the slightest way and I knew she was angry, practically her only tell. "Huh, I thought people generally got put into __better __moods after getting laid."_

_ "I'm not of the general population." That's when a very angry Marissa Cooper entered my club. I guess she remembered what happened after all._

**(Marissa's POV, present)**

My decision to come to The Baitshop wasn't that of very much thought. Anger, and of course frustration was my main motivation for storming into the purple-streaked girl's club that morning. She had no right to leave like that, without any explanation at all. She could have at least called, or left a note. But no, I obviously wasn't good enough for all that.

She didn't understand how insecure I was about… that stuff, and I'd never done anything like that with a girl before. I did NOT, with a capital N, O, T, know what I was doing. So treating me like I was nothing to her… well, that made me a little upset.

The icing on the cake was seeing that… girl there. Damn her. Trying to steal Alex away from me, MY Alex. How dare she. I'd forgotten her name, so I was perfectly content with referring to her as 'that bitch' at the moment.

And then of course Alex had the audacity to look at me for a second without the slightest interest, look away, and then say, "Marissa… I thought I made it clear you weren't supposed to be in here."

I disregard her comment instantly, but start to wonder how someone could go from being so full of… passion and adoration one night and the very next morning become so distant and indifferent. "Alex we need to talk."

"I'm working."

"Now!" I march over and grab her arm, dragging her into her office.

"There is a lot that needs to be done…"

"You're work can wait one god-damned minute!" She tore her arm away and crossed it with the other over her chest.

"What is so important?"

"Alex!" I yell, but grow quieter and I come closer to her. "We slept together last night."

"Yeah, so."

"So? So? Why are you acting like it was absolutely nothing to you?"

"Because… it was a mistake… that's all." Her words drove threw me deeper than any sword could. Each syllable was another knife cutting straight threw my already fragile heart. _"… it was a mistake… that's all." _She had already seen me cry too many times, and today I refused to do it in front of her. I refused to give myself a reason to shed a tear.

"How can you say that?"

"Marissa, you were so utterly gone last night it wasn't even funny. I practically took advantage of you and it was wrong. I'm sorry."

"Well I'm not. I'm not sorry it happened, but we need to talk about why it happened."

"It happened because you were drunk."

"You weren't! How can you look me in the eye and tell me truthfully that you never wanted to kiss me before? How can you say that it was all a mistake when you were fully aware of exactly what you were doing, fully aware of how you were making me feel?"

"It shouldn't have happened Marissa, and that's all there is to it."

"So you aren't attracted to me at all then, right?"

She swallowed, treading lightly on thin ice. "You're… an extremely aesthetically pleasing woman."

"Alex, I know there's more to it than that, there has to be."

"No, there doesn't. Fairy tales; they don't exist, that's all they are. Things don't happen like that. One night, one person does not make it all better." She pauses and looks away. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." And she turns to walk away.

She was all the way outside of the room when I made a life changing decision. In that sheer moment of pure fear of losing the most important thing in my life, I knew I had to do something to make her turn around. I had to say something to make her come back to me.

"Alex, I love you!" As soon as my proclamation was made, my hands were slapped onto my mouth. They really didn't want me to say that obviously, but my mouth has quicker reactions than my reflexes.

It was about two seconds of pure suspense as I wondered if she heard me and sure enough she strolls back into the room with a confused look on her face. "You what?"

The cat was already out of the bag. She heard me, and there was no turning back. "I… I love you. I'm in love with you, Alex. And I have been for a while."

"I- You- What? Wow."

"Wow? That's all you have to say!"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Say something. Tell me that you feel something for me, something more than appreciation towards my aesthetically pleasing features." I was pleading at this point, I needed to hear that she felt something… anything.

"I… need time to think."

"What? Alex!"

"Do you really expect some crazy soap opera shit where you pronounce your undying affections towards me, I return the favor, all goes right in the world, and we walk home with Boyz II Men playing in the background? You just told me you loved me, okay? Excuse me for needing a little time to react."

"Lexi, I don't want to wait any longer. It's been too long that I've been hiding these feelings inside of me, I just… I want to be with you." Our close proximity was weighing on my emotions as it always has, but seeing the confliction in her eyes is what was killing me.

"I'm sorry. I need some time." And my world fell down for the first time that day.

**To Be Continued…**

**AN: (Insert Wicked Laugh Here) I'm evil… I know, I get reminded all the time. Review! Tell me how mean I am! You know you want to!**


	10. My World Falls Down: Part 2

**AN: Hi Everyone! This one wasn't out as quickly as I'd hoped, but it's here now. The delay was probably due to my recent obsession with** **the Lauren and Bo relationship from Lost Girl a.k.a Doccubus. Oh yes, that's how I roll, :P. I know I said the next chapter would be the one in Alex's POV, but it worked out better with this chapter, and if everything goes as planned for the next chapter some of it should be in Alex's POV, but we need to see what happened to Marissa while Alex was… going through some stuff. What kind of stuff you ask? Read and find out. Read and Review, as always two reviews before I consider writing the next chapter. If you guys do well with the reviews part three of this chapter should be out in a week or so, depending on if I get caught up in the hotness of the Doccubus; until then people, I bid you farewell.**

**P.S. I thought it was shocking how many different reactions the last chapter caused. Some people were confused and angry at Alex and others thought Marissa deserved a taste of her own medicine and liked it.**

"Summer? Hey, it's… Alex. Can you come to The Baitshop and pick up Marissa, please? She's sitting in the middle of the parking lot next to her car, and I don't think it'd be a great idea for her to be driving right now. No, I can't drive her… because I just… can't. I'm working Summer. Please, just come take her home. Thank you. Alright, you too Summer, bye."

I let my phone fall onto the bar and drop my head in my hands. Everything seemed to be falling down around me, and I couldn't stop to pick everything back up again. It never occurred to me that those three important words coming from that bombshell's lips would make me feel even worse. But they did, they made me feel a lot worse.

_ "Alex, I love you!"_ I had actually felt like I was floating right after she'd said it. Like nothing could touch me as long as… as long as she meant it. I was happy until I came back into the room, looked at her and realized that she hadn't meant to say it. The look on her face said it all, and her hands trying to cover her mouth before she said something were the exclamation point. The clear indication was that she panicked and didn't want me to walk away.

She could have meant it. She could have put her entire being into those three words, but it wouldn't have made a difference. She said it, and maybe she even felt it, but she didn't want to. Marissa didn't want to say it, and she didn't want to love me. And that's why I didn't jump into her arms and pronounce my undying devotion. Because no matter how much she felt for me, no matter how much love we'd shared, nothing, and I mean nothing, would ever really work between us if these feelings were against our will.

Kris didn't dare look at me after Marissa ran out of the club. You could say the tension was running high when the last person I expected to see next walked through the doors.

"Kelly! Slacking on the job again? I should fire you!" Nat's cheerful but powerful voice rings threw my ears and I turn around. He was never in Newport, like… ever. Something big must be going on for him to be here. I wonder what that is... oh yeah.

"If you're cheap ass would front to pay for a couple more employees I wouldn't have to catch up on sleep at work."

"Touché. Hey Kris, always nice to see you."

"Ditto." My old friend says from her seat.

He looks around at the club for a moment, taking in what he hasn't seen since opening night. "I like what you've done with the place. But, um… are you aware of a very depressed looking teenager sitting in the middle of the parking lot next to a very nice car?"

"I'm perfectly aware Nat, thanks for reminding me though." I say sarcastically.

"Why is she loitering?"

Before I can answer the large man's question, Kris so kindly says, "Because Alex broke her heart."

And it was on like a light switch. "Shut the fuck up Kris! Do you really think I need that right now?" All the anger I had been feeling these past couple of months started pouring out of me, and it was all directed at the one friend I've been able to count on since day one.

"What'd you do this time, Alex?"

"She didn't say it back. The 'L-word' I mean."

"Do you have a death wish, Kris? Because if not you better shut that god-damned mouth of yours before I have to kick your ass back to LA-LA land."

"You haven't been able to kick my ass since the seventh grade, Blondie." She was having fun with this, pulling my strings, and any other day I would have been up for that challenge, but today, was NOT a good day to push my buttons. Nat saw this, luckily, and saved that friendship from implosion.

"Whoa, cool down Alex. Kris, maybe you should go somewhere… anywhere else right now. I need to speak with Alex alone for a while." She took the hint and got lost.

He sat next to me and looked me over with those large brown eyes of his. The silence was pressing and I was afraid of facing my thoughts, so I needed the silence to be subdued. "Why are you here?"

"You know why I'm here, Alex."

"I've got it handled Nat, there's nothing to worry about."

"It's more serious than you think. The inspector was here the other night because someone wanted to find something on the club, something that could get me out of the deed and get ownership."

"Why would they do that?"

"Why is the Pope Catholic? It's what he does."

"You know this guy?"

"He goes by the name of…" He looks at the document he was holding, "Braiden Anderson Daily." Mr. BAD… I should have known.

I shake my head at irony. Of course Julie Cooper's new love interest would be trying to take the club; it was so against what I would ever want, it obviously had to happen.

"Do you know the guy?"

"Yeah, I've met him once or twice. I worked his party. He's a real douche bag. What do you mean it's what he does?"

"Nothing yet, it's all just speculation, weird goings on. His empire all branches from what used to be part of other people's palaces. His standing with the Wounded Warrior Foundation was all inherited, and his business affairs seem to all be falsified. He takes interest in something, the owner of that something refuses to give in, and a few months later the something's owner is missing, in jail, or a tragic accident occurs. And suddenly he stumbles on ownership. So either he is the luckiest son of a bitch on the face of this planet, or there is some serious illegal activity going on."

"That's terrible."

"Especially if they could peg me for inducing the serving of minors."

"What are you planning to do?"

"I need you to look into this, see if you can find any proof. I know you have your ways of finding things out, Alex. This might be the only way we can cover our asses here, more importantly cover my ass because of one of your stupid friends."

"I'll see what I can do." If he had known my stupid friend was the 'very depressed looking teenager' sitting outside, he probably would have slapped her upside the head right then and there.

"I knew I could count on you." I expected him to leave then, but he stayed. He just kept looking at me, like he was trying to examine my feelings or whatever, read me. "That's not the only reason I'm in Southern California, Kelly."

"Let me guess, you met a girl online, and you're down here to meet her for the very first time."

"Hilarious Alex, very funny, I can't believe you went there. You know Karissa left me heart broken."

I laugh at him. "She was like twelve and it was all a prank."

"Exactly, why I was heartbroken you bitch!" He shook it off, although I swear I saw a tiny tear run down his cheek. "But that's not why I'm here."

"Why then?"

"You really don't know?"

"If I knew why would I be asking?"

"Alex, you're dad's dead. I'm here for his funeral tomorrow."

"You knew, didn't you?" I ask my friend as soon as I walk into the office. It was so impossible for her not to know. After all, everyone has to hear before me. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"

"Alex, I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to tell you and-"

"Don't. I understand, really, I do. No one thought it would be at all important to inform me that my own father is dead, yeah, I definitely get it."

"Alex, it's not like that and you know it."

"Why didn't you say anything? You've been around for how long now? A month? And you've been acting like nothing's changed at all."

"What was I supposed to say? 'Hey Alex, by the way, the dad that threw you out of the house is dead. Congratulations'? How would you have approached that?"

"That would have been a whole hell of a lot better than not telling me at all, Kris!"

I sat next to her and sighed. After a long pause she looked at me worried. "Are you upset?"

"I… don't know." I didn't know what to feel. Should I be angry, upset, or distraught? It all felt oddly unreal. Like when you're dreaming and the place you're in looks familiar but everything is in the wrong position and the layout is all messed up. The anger and hatred I'd felt for that man no longer had a place, it was just there… empty space and unused emotions. "Do you know how he died?"

"He… was shot." _Ha! Figures that'd be the way that bastard went. Everything he did always had to be extravagant._

"They catch the guy?"

"Yep."

"Huh… maybe I should send him a gift basket."

"You're dad pissed off a lot of people in his time Alex, but the majority of the population adores him."

"He was the fucking District Attorney, Kris, there is no way more people loved him than hated him."

"Either way, some people are actually sad that he's gone."

"Should I be sad? I mean, he kind of ruined my life, told me I'd never amount to anything in this lifetime and condemned me to hell in the next life."

"Well, most normal people would be… but you're not exactly normal so…" I shoved her playfully.

"You were invited to the funeral tomorrow, huh?"

"I really don't want to lie to you Alex."

"Son of a bitch! So not only was I not notified that he was dead in the first place, probably left out of the will, but I wasn't even on the guest list for the god-damned funeral? W-T-F?"

"I was… I was gonna sneak you in as my plus one."

"No fuck that… I'm not going."

"Isn't that what you're family wants?"

"Good point, I'm crashing that shit. Check to see if he's really dead, dance on the grave, hell yes, that's sounds like an excellent plan!"

"Your mom's gonna kill you."

"Whatever, last thing they said to me was that the next time we'd see each other, something fatal would have to occur. Looks like their prediction came true, only backwards 'cuz fate can't touch this." I motion to my body with a smirk.

"I hear you brothers AND your sister are gonna be there."

"Yeah? Fuck them too. Loyalty my ass, there was no sibling bond there at all."

"Remember that time you talked me into helping you lock your sister in that old dog cage sitting in your back yard? And then I told her there were a bunch of pincher bugs in it and you rolled her back and forth across the lawn?"

I crack up at the fond memory. Her laugh soon joins mine as we relive the moment together. I had completely forgotten about doing that until she said something about it. "She screamed her head off and it was hilarious! Hahahahahaha!"

She chuckles and grins at me. "Oh lord, we are so going to hell."

"She deserved it damn it! I don't remember what she did but I know it deserved something like that. They all did." The office falls silent as the weight of everything hit me. My father was never going to get a chance to apologize, even if he wanted to. I was never going to get his acceptance.

Kris studies me for a long time but I refuse to meet her gaze. I would break under the pressure, and I couldn't take that right now… at least not with the present company. "Are you going tomorrow?"

I think about her question for a moment. I wouldn't be wanted there, I wasn't even invited. But I felt obligated to say goodbye to the hope of ever becoming a family again. I knew it was messed up that I didn't feel the need to pay my respects to the man that raised me, even if he wasn't my real father. My mom was a horror; what can I say? I may not have known who my real dad was, I'll take that to my grave, but I knew it wasn't him. "I don't know."

"You don't have to go through this alone, Alex. I'll be there for you if you need me to be." She put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"I know." She'd be there if I needed it, but she wasn't the one I wanted there with me, by my side, forever. She'd never be the one I wanted or really needed in my life.

"You don't have to be strong all the time Al. It's okay to break."

"Not in my reality Kris. In my reality, there are people that depend on me. People that need me to be strong so I can be there to catch them when they break."

"If you're always so focused on catching others; who's making sure there's someone there to catch you?" The rhetorical question needed an answer, but I needed it more than she did. I needed to find my way out from under this plastic town, just in case my hunches were correct. I needed to clear my head. I needed to catch my breath before my world falls down.


	11. My World Falls Down: Part 3

**AN: Hey everyone! You guys were really amazing with your reviews this past couple chapters, so I'm putting extra effort into writing the next one. This chapter is kind of filler until I could think of what the hell to make the 'Kelly Clan' like. And I missed Summer, so she's in this chapter. Also, I realized re-reading this story that I didn't at all give you an image of what Kris looks like, so I gave you a little bit in here too. I also realized that I took A LOT of liberties in writing more about Alex's past, I mean her father's a DA? Where'd that come from? But I felt like that show didn't elaborate enough, so I was forced to make it up. Next chapter we see what life as a Kelly is really like. Two reviews and I start writing. So hurry, hurry. I'm counting on you. Until next time, farewell. **

"Coop… Coop…Coop!" A voice makes itself aware from beside me, breaking into my consciousness and drawing me back into the world. That voice was the only thing holding me to the ground like an anchor slowly being pulled up and out of the water. My other senses followed my hearing as I started to feel the hard surface of my car supporting me from behind and someone shaking me back and forth trying to wake me up. Then came the smell of the salt water and sand close by; the sense triggered memories of someone I know that always smelt like the ocean, though I couldn't recall who. The next sense I became aware of was the salty taste of what I assumed to be my own tears, though I couldn't remember why I'd been crying.

I was fully aware then except for my sense of sight, and that worried me. I started to ask myself if the cause of the blackouts could also cause blindness. Then I realized my eyes were closed. Cursing myself for being so stupid I opened my eyes and recognized Summer next to me. She looked worried and that would have concerned me if I wasn't so used to that expression.

"Are you with me?" Maybe that phrase would have been useful a little bit ago when I talked to… her, but that was all behind us now. Now I didn't know what to think. I sure as hell didn't know where to go from here.

"Yeah." No, not really. I'm not even with myself half the time. But I'm always somewhere else. I'm always with… her.

"Coop, What happened?"

I broke eye contact with those big brown orbs and realized the inconvenient setting of this conversation. I had to get out of here. Here was too close to there, and there was where… she was. "Not here." I replied choking down my tears.

"Okay… Come on." She took my hand and helped me to her car. It probably wasn't a good idea for me to leave my car here again. Leaving my car here meant I'd have to come back eventually, but then again didn't I want to?

She drove me to the house of horrors and parked the car in the driveway. She looked at me expectantly and I started my story. I told her everything's that happened up until last night, including Mr. BAD's motives, "that bitch's" appearance, and the blackouts.

"Last night we slept together… and it was probably the best night I've had… in a very, very long time. Then this morning… she was gone when I woke up. I decided to confront her about it and she said that it meant nothing because it wasn't supposed to happen. I told her… that I was in love with her and she… said she needed some time to think."

"Coop… I'm so sorry."

Tears started streaming down my cheeks and for the first time I didn't want to stop them. "I just don't understand Sum! It's not supposed to be this way! We're supposed to be together! She's supposed… she's supposed to love me." A hysterical fit hit me as I starting banging angrily on her dashboard. "I laid out everything for her and she threw it away, Sum! She tossed it aside like it meant nothing to her at all! Like I mean nothing to her at all! And for what? For that stupid bitch?"

I hated whatever her name is. I hated her with every fiber of my being. She might have been a really cool person deep down; we might have even got along on normal circumstances. I probably wouldn't have hated her so much is she wasn't just sooo… perfect. Not perfect in the sense of pure awesomeness, but perfect as in… perfect for Alex.

There is nobody I had pictured as more Alex's type than that bitch. With her stupid side –swept, dark purple, bob haircut stretching to a little over half the length of her neck and amazing hazel colored eyes. She wore bright-orange eye shadow so it contrasted her hair and eyes stunningly. Her retardedly amazing athletic but slim figure and bone structure that could give Alex's a run for her money served as a death blow to my ego. Whatever her name is was definitely hot, I'd probably do her if I liked girls other than Alex, and that was the reason I hated her. If she had been ugly I wouldn't have minded at all. But the fact that I have competition with someone that's known Alex for practically her whole life AND was totally gorgeous sucked ass.

"I thought you said that Alex said they were just friends."

"She did. But you didn't see the way she looked at Alex. You can tell half of her life has been chasing after that girl. I can't compete with that."

"Coop, you don't have to. Alex is crazy about you. Stop being in denial and accept that."

"Is it denial if you've been rejected?"

"You weren't rejected; you were just… put off. There's a difference."

"Well, my pride says otherwise."

"Fuck you're pride! Did it ever occur to your pride that Alex may have stuff going on in her life that's too complicated to deal with while trying to sort out her feelings for you?"

"The guilt trip? Nice method Sum… IF MAKING ME FEEL WORSE WAS YOU'RE GOAL."

"Get your head out of your ass for a moment and realize that not everything is about you! God Coop, I swear… you're worse than Cohen sometimes."

"Fine. What am I supposed to do then?"

"You wait like a good little girl and maybe, just maybe, you'll prove to her you're mature enough to deal with something like this right now."

"I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. Will it be yes or will it be… sorry?"

She shakes her head at me and gives me THAT look. "Paula Cole? Really Coop? Really? You're such a nerd." I grin at her from the passenger seat as she hugs me. "But I love you anyway. Call me if I need to go rage black out on some fools, because I will totally kick Alex's ass if there isn't a good reason for breaking your heart."

"I will."

"Good. Now get out of my car woman. I've got to go make sure Cohen hasn't shot himself in the foot."

"What?"

"It's a long story; call me every once in a while and you might learn what's going on in my life." I hadn't been there for Summer like I should have been recently. It'd gone on long enough to have my best friend license suspended. I could only hope to be able to change that soon.

"Sum?"

"Yeah?

"Thank you… for everything."

"Don't thank me. If a little birdy hadn't convinced me to come get you I would have left your ass in the parking lot." She drove off after saying that with a smile letting me know she'd never really do that to me, but considered it.

I entered the house with a heavy heart unsuspecting of my worst nightmare sitting at my counter like he owned the place. "Mr. Daily… I didn't know you'd be here."

"Well I was thinking that you'd have to come home eventually, so if I waited long enough I'd get lucky."

"Did my mom let you in?"

"She didn't have to… she gave me a key." _Great… best news I've hear all day._

"How convenient." I comment sarcastically. He approaches me in that all-powerful manner of his slowly, arms behind his back like he was in a meeting.

"I'm assuming you forgot out little date last night. After all I don't see any other reason to justify you not showing up. You aren't the type of person to stand me up… are you?" His question was forceful, like he wanted me to know what the right answer was because he was telling me. He seemed angrier than I had ever seen him.

"Nope, I forgot. I'm sorry."

"You won't let it happen again… will you Marissa?"

"Never."

"So please share with me where you were last night."

"I was here studying for a Spanish test." _Having sex with the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. _

"You wouldn't be lying to me, now would you?" He was in my personal bubble all of a sudden and I was backed up against a wall. I had to say that handsome face was really scary up close.

"Of course not." _I'm_ _lying my ass off._

"Really? Because I called Mrs. Cooper-Nichol. She said you'd been gone all day." _Damn her. _He put his arms up against the wall blocking any exit I might have had. "You know… Marissa, I'm a man of great importance. People would die to get on my good side. It's not exactly exaggerating to say that a lot of people would do ANYTHING to please me. This might be because I offer great fortune to those few that succeed, or because the ones that fail to do so seem to… run into a very unfortunate streak of bad luck; choose whichever reason you wish, it doesn't matter to me. Just know that I can be an excellent ally, or a terrible man to cross. And one of the things I consider to fall into the crossing category is lying to me. We wouldn't want to do that now, would we?"

"No."

"Then be a good little girl and behave. The sooner we can get this all over with the happier all of us will be."

"Speak for yourself." I say breaking eye contact. The comment would have been better had it been silent, but it came out, and I'd felt the repercussions instantly.

"Excuse me?" He demanded an explanation that I refused to give. He tried to force it out of me. It must have made him angry that I wouldn't look at him, for he grabbed my chin and forced it forward with unexpected strength, then held it there.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

"That's what I thought." He moved from me and released his hold. I walked cautiously towards the stairs but he grabbed my shoulder before I got a safe distance away. Braiden gripped hard. Hard enough to bruise. "I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation."

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

"Think of this as the merger of the decade. We get past this and both of our lives will be smooth sailing. My business will take off with nothing standing in its way. And I take my business very, very seriously. Anything in the way of that goal I will deem an immediate personal enemy and it's not pleasant to be on that list."

"You need me."

"I do… but there are other ways for me to get someone to cooperate. Especially if they have as many friends as you do." He paused and squeezed harder. "Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

I'd never considered running away for real until after Mr. BAD left. It seemed like the only solution to all of my problems. Who'd really miss me anyways? My mom? Are you kidding? She's the first one willing to sentence me to a life of misery just for a few extra dollars. Summer? She had Seth, and after that way I'd been neglecting her lately I'm surprised she came through for me today. Ryan? He'd get over it. Probably just find another preppy brunette like Taylor Townsend. Alex? Her bags are probably already in the back of her jeep. She always seemed like the type of person to run away from her problems. So I set out with the full intent to get my car, pack my bags and head out to god knows where. But nothing ever really works out the way we plan it.

I don't quite remember traveling to The Baitshop from my house, but I'm guessing I probably walked. Nothing was ever quite too far away to walk in Newport. The club was pretty busy that night so it was no use trying to get in and say goodbye even if I felt like I wanted to. I unlocked the door to my car and climbed in, then remembered that this might be the last time I'd get a chance to watch the tides change from that bench on the pier.

I walked over to the spot and sat down promising myself twenty minutes before I had to leave. Part of me just needed to say farewell. I don't remember how long I sat there but it must've been longer than twenty minutes because the sun had completely disappeared and the moon was reflecting over the water at that perfect angle.

I didn't need to look to know who it was that walked up from behind and sat there beside me. I always felt her near me, even when she was far away. I knew her scent. I knew the sound she makes when she walks. I knew that way my heart started beating faster whenever she was close by.

She stayed silent for a while but I didn't mind. I was still supposed to be angry with her, but it's hard to be angry with someone when you keep picturing their naked body in your head. Finally after I noticed the tide change, and I assume she does too, she says bluntly "My dad's dead."

I didn't really know what to say to that little bit of information. She didn't exactly like the man, but he was her dad. I decided to say what the statement made me think. "Wow."

"That's what I said." I look at her. "His funeral's tomorrow and I wasn't invited, but my best friend and my boss were."

"Family reunions are never fun anyway." She chuckles at my comment.

"Thank you for being the only one that hasn't apologized for my loss."

"It wasn't really a loss, of course I wouldn't apologize for it."

"You understand me better than anyone else I know."

"No I don't, I just pretend to." My sarcastic remarks weren't discouraging her from continuing as I'd hoped.

"Come with me."

I didn't need to inquire about what she was referring to. I would have replied with an 'I'll think about it' if I hadn't remembered what Summer said earlier. "Do you want me there?"

"I need you there." Her face was that of pure honesty and I couldn't refuse those pleading eyes.

"Okay, I'll go to your estranged father's funeral, but only because you asked nicely." She smiled and I'd knew I'd done the right thing for once. If she smiled about it something there was no way it could be the wrong thing.

"Thank you."

"Thank you for needing me."

"You're probably excited to see the Kelly Clan." **(AN: Thanks for the nickname reviewers! There were two different people that called it that and I was amazed, so thanks. You know who you are.) **She observed.

"Oh yeah, totally. I'm excited to see people with personalities just like you." I say with a sarcastic tone and she smirks.

"Just promise to not hit on my brothers and I think we'll be okay." She said stretching out on the bench and laying her head down on my lap to look up at the stars.

"Who said anything about your brothers? I'm thinking you're sister dude, maybe even your mom. See just how close the resemblance is."

She laughs and I rest a hand on her stomach subconsciously while stroking her hair. "That is so wrong on so many different levels." She says while laughing.

"Aw, someone jealous?"

"Always." I hear her say under her breath but I refuse to respond to that statement. "You won't like them anyways. My sister looks like me but is less awesome, and my mom's just a manipulative bitch."

"Sounds like my family."

"My two younger brothers are total assholes to me. But that's just cuz they're jealous I've got more game than both of them combined. I stole both of their girlfriend's one time, it was hilarious. And my older brother… he's pretty cool. You'll like him the most, I guarantee it."

"It sounds to me like you're the excited one."

"I just want to tell them to kiss my ass one last time. They never thought I could make it on my own. Said I was too irresponsible or whatever."

"You'll sure show them."

"Hell yeah I will, especially when I pull up in a candy red Mustang." She grins at me with THAT smile. The one that showed off the world's sexiest dimples.

"I think I understand why you need me there now. You LOVE my car."

"Well it is a pretty amazing car. I'm more of a Camaro kind of girl myself, but still. No though, that's only one of the reasons I need you there."

"What's the other reason?"

"My dad just died, Rissa. I might need a little bit of moral support or whatever."

"And there's not someone more suitable for this job at your disposal?"

"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. Nope. You, just you." The way she said it made me think that there may have been a double meaning in that statement. But I didn't want to read too much into it. I was just fine here, now, with her, even if I didn't have all my answers yet. All I needed to know was that she needed someone, and I was glad to be there for her in a time like this. I'll save my running away until next week.


	12. The Forgotten Daughter Finds Her Way

**AN: Hey people! I've realized I semi-abandoned you recently, and I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry that the majority of this chapter is pretty much filler. But I decided to get this out to hold you over until I have time to finish the next chapter, **_**The Clan. **_**Hopefully, it will be out within the next week or so, but as always it's all up to you readers. Review! It makes me happy. One of you mentioned that I hadn't included Marissa telling Alex about Mr. BAD, and I know I haven't, and to clarify it will not happen for a while. We all know how Marissa loves to wait until the last second. There is a brief explanation as to why, but hopefully you no longer think I forgot. Sooo… here it is. If you have any comments or concerns send a review, any story ideas fill free to message me. Read, Review, and Enjoy.**

** P.S. I totally slaughtered the funeral service… sorry. I did it to the best of my ability.**

** P.P.S. Just broke forty reviews! Yay me! I'm shooting for at least sixty by the time this story ends; we'll see how that ends up.**

I was timid about going to the funeral. After all I had never met any of Alex's family, not to mention Alex herself wasn't even supposed to be there. It all seemed to point towards a disastrous ending. But I had to stick it through because I told her I would. I'd made a promise, and if I bailed out now she'd probably never speak to me again.

I wanted to be her rock today like she had been for me so frequently before. I wanted to be that shoulder she could cry on if she needed it. I wanted to be there for her while she was broken, even if she refused to admit she was hurting. Last night one of the reasons I wanted to go was to see the look on "that bitch's" face when she realized Alex wanted to bring ME instead of her. Last night I wanted to go for all the wrong reasons.

Today I realize that if I couldn't be there for her now, she would never trust that I would be there for her in the long run. If she couldn't trust me to be there for her now how could she ever trust me when it really mattered? This was the only chance I had to show her that I could be better than I have been. This was the only chance I had to change into someone she'd be proud to be with.

Ever since I met Alex I'd known she was strong person with thick walls around her heart. I knew she pretended things like this didn't affect her; I also knew that things like this tore her apart. Her family was a very sore subject and I didn't know how she would handle seeing them again.

Currently she was rambling about them. Alex never ranted about important things. When she went off on something it was always completely irrelevant. In fact the other day she was ranting about empathic powers. Now she was doing it either because she was extremely nervous, or because there was something she really didn't want to talk about.

"… And don't listen to anything my mother says. You take anything she does with a grain of salt and ask me about it later if you think it's important. Same thing goes for my sister. Those two are so similar it's scary. Any family dinner we ever had would be completely ruined because of those two teaming up against public enemy number one."

"I'm assuming by public enemy number one you're referring to yourself."

"I guess it's needless to say they don't like me very much then."

"You've already said that three times." I smile at her. It was cute, and I liked listening to her talk, but something was wrong, and I was going to make her tell me what it was. "What's really on your mind Lexi?"

"Nothing… it's just… nothing."

"You've been going through this cycle of utter silence then nonstop talking about your family. It has to be something." Her only response was to shake her head. "You can tell me."

"I was just thinking… there is a very real possibility that we're gonna get kicked out of this thing."

"They're NOT going to throw us out of your father's funeral Alex. Nobody is that evil and hurtful."

"You know it's been a little over a year since any one of them has tried to contact me. I know its lame that I keep track of those things but I do… and it just makes me think that if they don't want anything to do with me when things are normal, why would they want to see me when emotions are at an all-time high?"

"Maybe… maybe what the Kelly Clan really needs right now is to see you Alex. Maybe they've realized that losing someone forever isn't worth it if you have the means to get them back."

"Maybe… but I don't have a very good feeling about it either way."

Alex stopped talking shortly after we arrived in one of the rich parts of L.A. and hadn't spoken until we pulled into a seemingly nice neighborhood churchyard. She stalled for a mere moment before catching my eye and saying, "I want you to get anything you're expecting to see out of your head right now." I nod and she steps out of her jeep. She walked around and opened the door for me as she always does, and allowed me to step out of the car.

The funeral took place in a secluded part of the churchyard. It wasn't a huge spectacle but there were enough guests there to let anyone know that the deceased was a well-respected person. By the time we arrived we were late and there were no seats left, to Alex's obvious enjoyment. I'm pretty sure her plan was to stay for the funeral, possibly pay her respects, and take off as soon as possible without being seen by her family, after all, that's exactly what I would do.

I gladly posted up against a tree behind the crowd with Alex. I'd never been able to watch her unwind like this before, and not unwind in the relaxation sense, but in the 'I'm about to fucking lose it' sense. You could see the weight of everything hit her when she saw the row of people I assumed to be her family. A part of her always hoped to be welcomed back someday, and the fact that she wasn't pissed her off.

"Friends, our lives are too unpredictable and too brief to be running around with the constant weight of the 'If' questions. 'If only I had spent more time with him.' 'If only I had apologized' 'If only I had gotten to say goodbye'. It is no more healthy to blame ourselves for the choices we've made than it is to live our lives without God at our center. For when we regret death, we start to fear it, and when we fear death, we fear life itself." I feel Alex wrap her hand around mine and squeeze it like a vice grip. It hurt like hell, in fact I'm pretty sure she broke my hand, but I held on.

"A truly great man isn't afraid to die, and in essence isn't afraid to live. It seems to be that in our own time of great need the Lord needs soldiers. He takes our great men so they can have the opportunity to have a better purpose, one that suits their character. We have to believe that our brother lives on in the presence of Him, for we need to reach our purposes as well. So today we gather, as I've said before, to mourn the death of our brother; but to also celebrate the life of Alan Kelly."

"During visitations earlier I spoke with many of you that had made the same observations as I had about Alan. I'd like to share some of these at this time in order to remember his uniqueness. Alan was a very passionate man donating various amounts of everything he had to the church, animal shelters, homeless shelters, and The Wounded Warrior Foundation as well as using his spare time to volunteer. He loved his dog, Manny, a golden retriever whom he'd often taken out for runs in the park. He loved his career, willing to spend countless hours working to better not only our community but society in general. He loved his home. He loved his friends. He loved his wife of twenty years, Athena Kelly. But most of all he loved his children; Ace, Aaron, Adam and Allyson." _Oh, ouch. _I thought as I looked over to Alex. She actually looked like she expected something like that, and that fact was really sad.

I tuned the rest of the sermon out as to defend Alex's honor in a way, convincing myself that anybody not willing to recognize the existence of someone so amazing, didn't deserve to be listened to. I already didn't like this part of the Kelly Clan and wondered if we'd really get out of L.A. before being spotted. I had my doubts, after all, we weren't that lucky.

I'm assuming sometime during closing prayer Alex pulled me aside and we walked to a little mausoleum. We could see the crowd from our position but there was a less likely chance of us being spotted from here. Alex stays silent as she watches the crowd line up in front of the open casket one-by-one to say their final goodbyes.

She hadn't let go of my hand since we arrived although, thankfully, she'd loosened her grip. "I—" I start but am cut off by the sound of my phone ringing. She looks at me and lets me go before looking back towards her father's funeral. "I'll be right back." It was like talking to a brick wall.

I walked a little ways away and answered my phone without looking at the caller i.d. "Hello."

**"Marissa, it's Mr. Daily." **_Great, just who I wanted to hear from. _**"I was calling to remind you of our dinner plans later tonight."**

"I wasn't aware we made dinner plans for tonight."

**"Don't tell me you've forgotten again Marissa, I told you something like this could be just… tragic."**

"Can we reschedule for Saturday? I'm busy today."

**"Too busy for your future?"**

"I'm with my future." I mutter.

**"What was that?"**

"Nothing. Look, Mr. Daily, I'm aware that you're looking forward to our… engagements, but I've made previous arrangements and plans that I'd rather not break."

**"Where are you?"**

"I don't believe that is any of your business."

**"You ARE my business Marissa. Where are you?"**

"I'm in L.A." _Why the hell are you so submissive? You always fold when you're talking to this bastard. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! _I could only hope that my inner screaming hadn't come out again, but I know I have a tendency to word vomit.

**"Hmmmmm, fine. Saturday Marissa, or else. I'm suggesting you clear any… plans for that day, because if I, being so much busier and superior than you and your teenage stupidity, can cancel my appointments you can too." **And he hung up leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

My conscience knew it was wrong that I hadn't spoken to Alex about what was really going on with Mr. BAD. My soul wanted her to know because she probably had a simple solution to the problem. And my heart hated lying to her. But I wasn't good enough a person to tell her about it just yet. I was going to wait until the last possible second. I was going to wait until everything got more complicated. I was going to wait until I hit that ultimatum 'tell her or lose her'. I was going to procrastinate. I was going to wait until I knew it would kill her either knowing or not. Because I'm Marissa Cooper, and that's just how I roll.

I turn to go back to Alex and she's gone. Panic mode ensues until I see her alone by her father's casket. An instant calm rushes over me as I saunter over. "Penny for your thoughts."

"That'd be a waste of a penny." She says staring down at her dad. He was a handsome guy with neatly trimmed brown hair and a clean shaven face. Kind eyes and a jaw that looked like it was chiseled by Michelangelo made him look like a complete politician.

"Why is that?"

"Because all I'm thinking right now, is the amount of pain that man has put me through."

"Tell him." I had had the honor of watching the forgotten daughter find her way into the world by herself. I had been able to watch as she found her place. I had fallen in love with a girl that's probably even more damaged than I am. Now I was witnessing before my very eyes Alex evolving into something better than her past.

"We never liked each other. A part of me always wanted to say that you disowning me was all because I came out, or you caught me, or whatever; but I realize now it's because I never really was your little girl. You'd always had Allyson for that. And before she was born you had the twins, before that you had Ace. I guess there was never enough of your love left over for me, but that might be my middle child syndrome talking."

"But I will never blame you for where I am today, because I love my life. And you've never had enough influence on me to change where I was going. It was all me. I worked for it, and even if you'd never approve of my lifestyle, you'd always respect that. You raised me, in that fucked up little way of yours, and for that I will be grateful. But my mourning period of the loss of my father has passed a long time ago. So I'm not going to cry over you now, because now you're just somebody that I used to know."

"In saying this I want you to know that I'm strong now, the way you'd always wanted. I know how to support myself, which is more than you can say for any of the others. I don't need to make you happy anymore, because I don't care. I have to do what's right for me, and I hope you see that. I proved all of you wrong by making it this far on my own, and that's the most important thing. I didn't come back to ask for your help once and for that I know you're proud. Because at the end of the day I'm more like you than you ever realized."

"The last words you'd ever said to me were 'have a nice time rotting in hell'. Now I'm saying that to you, because you're an asshole. Oh and by the way, I saw you with Uncle Jack that one time. Can you say 'incest' you sick son of a bitch? So yeah, I'll see you in hell dad, save me a seat."

I try to discard that last bit of information to save myself from that mental image. And as I do so I hear a voice from behind me. "Alexandria… Is that you?" We turn around and I'm bombarded with the spitting image of Alex in front of us. It can only be one person…

Alex composes herself quickly straightens up and puts on 'that' face. The face she used around my mom and all other people like Julie Cooper-Nichol. The face that said 'I know you think you're better than me, and you are sorely mistaken.' And then she spoke, in a voice of mock formalness, "Hello mother."


	13. The Clan: Part 1

**AN: YAY! It's finally here! :D I'm excited! This chapter took me way too long to get out, and I sincerely apologize for that, I hope you all are still interested. Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that you guys are absolutely awesome. Big thanks to everyone that took the time to respond to my message, your words of encouragement helped a lot. Even if you took the time to read it, I thank you. It shows me that I'm not the only one that cares about this story. This chapter is not finished yet (This is just part one) , as I've realized it'd be too long to fit into one chapter on this website, but I decided to get this portion out to you as my thanks for being so amazing and sticking with this story. The POV in this story jumps around a lot, just a warning to all of you the flashbacks are in 3****rd**** person. I took a long time writing the flashbacks, trying to get them perfect because that's what I was really excited to create. I know that they are exponentially better than the 'real time' portion of this chapter. Hopefully the quality evens out for the next part. **

**As a side note, I really hope you catch my little metaphor towards the beginning, if not, no big deal, life goes on. Read & review, two reviews before I start the next part. Until next time everyone, :D.**

_*flashback*_

_ The blonde girl closed the door to her family house slowly, knowing it would be the last time she had a chance. She looked around the porch once more and then continued on her journey down the stairs. This may have been the first time she cherished how much being here, her 'home', meant to her; it was her last. The blonde convinced herself that she wouldn't miss anything about this place, even Frankie, the old butler with a kind heart. She'd miss what this place was supposed to hold. She'd miss how she was supposed the feel while there. If anything she'd miss the parties she used to throw when her parents were gone. She'd definitely miss the sound of the ocean at night time… maybe that's where she'll go. Somewhere right on the beach, where she could surf whenever it felt right. Somewhere she really felt at home._

_ She sat at the curb next to her Jeep for a while, refusing to wonder what could have been, what might happen. She didn't want to think any more than her parents wanted to look at her. She didn't want to feel as much as her family didn't want her to stay. All she could do was stare at the emancipation forms, signed not even five minutes ago. Her senses became aware of nothing but what was on that form. The smell of the fresh ink stuck in her nose like a cat's claws stick into someone when they're being swung around in circles. Her eyes zoned in on the signature piece by piece, criticizing every imperfection, like how dark the top of the 'e' in Kelly was due to a dragging back and forth like a stuck record player. She'd inherited that flaw from watching her father write, as he did it all the time. He couldn't write the letters 'e' 'a' or 's' without redrawing the top curve at least five times, and now neither could she. He had to force the writing utensil to work the way he wanted it to. He had to MAKE the ink go his way_

_ Her mother's signature was perfect, well, at least to the untrained eye. Someone that took the time to look closer realized how imperfectly structured and sharp all of the letters were. Everything was deliberate and thought out. Nothing could be under analyzed; nothing could be over criticized. All she could hear were the sounds of the family's cheers… well maybe that was her imagination, but it packed a dangerous punch in her mental deterioration._

_ The blonde teenager couldn't even believe they'd signed it. It was supposed to be a warning, a joke, an 'accept me or else'. But her plan backfired, and she was all alone. The sense of freedom wasn't there. The sense of pride wasn't there. All that remained was a sense of being numb, as contradictory as that feeling was._

_ They didn't even react when she showed them. Not a flinch, not a glimpse into their own daughter's eyes. Just this mind-blowingly calm and indifferent demeanor, like they were just writing the grocery list and not at all like they were signing their child away. And her siblings just watched, like good little children. Didn't speak up and say 'But that's our sister'. They didn't even have the balls to say goodbye. When she cried out for help in that universal look people give their brothers or sisters, they just looked away. They all just let her walk away._

_ Looking back on this moment she'd probably realize that it didn't mean that much. She'd been an outsider from day one. She'd always been alone. It'd always been Alex against the world. She'd miss what was supposed to be, but she wouldn't feel the loss, because it was never hers in the first place. She was always someone on the outside looking into that picture perfect family. So now… she'd find her own._

_ She'd find her own future. She'd find her own home. She'd make a life for herself without them. She could do it, she knew she could. It wouldn't be the greatest thing at first, but after a while all the pain she'd ever endured would be worth it. Giving everything away would be worth it._

_ That's when the blonde girl got up from the ground and looked at the house one more time. She promised herself she'd never return, even if they'd changed their minds and wanted her back. She'd find herself in the wreckage that was her life. But she could do all that tomorrow, right then… she needed a drink._

_ *end flashback*_

**Marissa's POV**

"Marissa! What the hell are we doing here? I promised myself I would never come back here and I meant it. I meant it damn it!" Alex said in a hushed whisper as we approached her old house. A rather large house I might add, probably larger than the Cohen's house.

I mimic her tone and her sense of worriedness. "You're mother invited us for dinner, we couldn't say no Alex."

"She only invited us because she thought we would say no! We aren't wanted here, and frankly, I don't want to be here." She was a very stubborn girl, probably the only one that could battle my own will. But I wasn't willing to let this one go. It had to happen eventually, and I might not be around much longer to help her through it later. I looked at her and raised my fist to knock. "Do not knock on that door Marissa."

"Alex, I'm knocking. End of discussion."

"Cooper, I swear to god I will kick your ass."

"I don't know Kelly; you're a little out of practice in that department. You probably can't anymore…"

"Marissa… no."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." Her answer was firm and final, which only encouraged me to knock. Nobody puts their foot down to Marissa Cooper. And before my knuckles had a chance to brush against the wood, the door was opening to reveal an old man in a butler's attire.

"Miss Alexandria, delightful to see you again. Come in, come in." Before he ushered us in Alex shot me a 'See what you've done!' followed quickly by a 'Run now for your life!'.

"Where's the clan?" Alex asks the old man unenthusiastically.

"Mrs. Kelly and Miss Allyson have run to the store, they shall be back shortly. Mister Aaron and Mister Adam are in the lounge."

"Where's Ace, Frankie?"

"Mister Ace hasn't arrived yet to your mother's utter horror. Nobody knows where he is." She nodded accepting this as not a very surprising statement. "Now," He began looking at me, "who is this charming young lady accompanying you Miss Alexandria?"

"First of all, you know what I told you about calling me that, unless you're too old to remember of course." She smirked at him. "And second of all, she isn't that charming." I slapped her arm and scowled at her. "Marissa, meet Frankie, the coolest old person you'll ever meet. Frankie, meet Marissa, the coolest Newpsie in training you'll ever meet."

"It's great to meet you Miss Marissa." He took my hand and shook it.

"The pleasure is all mine." I said with my award winning smile. "And Alex, I don't appreciate you identifying me by my unwanted upbringing."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, save the Newport bashing for when you talk to my mother. They—She hasn't moved the longue since I was last here did she?" After starting to pull me away, she stopped and directed her question to Frankie.

"No, actually… nothing much has changed since you left Miss Alexan—Alex."

"Thank you Frankie, I'll see you at dinner." He smiled and did a slight bowing gesture towards us before walking off.

"Miss Alexandria, you've been holding out on me." I teased following her into what I assumed to be the longue.

"Not another word Cooper." She warned pointing a warning finger at me. She was irritated, and it was hot as hell. The way her brow furrowed, and her eyes went wide. The way she would puff her chest out and cross her arms defensively. It was all just a ploy to drive me insane, and it was working.

She strode into the room with confidence and casualness, like it wasn't some strangely awkward situation created by the twisted universe's sick humor and was just any other normal day. There were two males in the large circular room, and their jaws both dropped when they saw Alex plop down onto the couch.

The two boys were identical. They both had the same sandy blonde hair color styled the same way in that popular faux hawk all the 'cool kids' were wearing. Same eye shape and color. Same facial structure. The only immediate difference I saw was a birth mark under one's right eye. They had the same basic style too. That classic California boy or the 'Luke Ward' as I like to call it.

"Dumb, dumber." She greeted them before patting out the spot next to her, motioning for me to sit down.

The one without the birthmark fell out of the stupor first. "Alex…"

The one with it soon followed behind saying, "Who's the hot chick?" He sat up from his laying position and looked me over.

"Nobody you will ever get the chance to plague with your micro-penis, so don't even think about it." She answered.

"Glad to know you're still as much of a bitch as you were before Alex." He barely made eye contact with her before leaning back into his original position.

"Excuse my brother and his attitude; in light of recent events I'm sure you can understand his disposition." I saw Alex roll her eyes from the corner of mine. He stood and held out his hand to me. "I'm Aaron, and this is Adam. Nice to meet you." I shook his hand.

"He's lying, I'm Aaron. He's Adam." The other twin chimed in.

"You wish you were me." Argued the polite one.

"Yeah right, why would I want to be some goody-two shoes, momma's boy who still hasn't gotten laid?" Shot back the one with the birthmark

"You two: Shut up." Alex ordered. She then took a lighter tone with me and said. "Don't listen to their stupid name game; they used to play it all the time. Just remember, the one with the birthmark is Aaron… I think."

"Hear that, our own sister doesn't even know our names…" Said one.

"What has happened to society?" Finished the other.

"Your own mother can't even tell the difference between you two, and I don't blame her. She always liked to clump things into certain categories, in your guys' case: annoying."

"What's your category? Disappointment?" I shook my head and felt like punching that little asshole. How dare he? I mean really, who gives him the right to say something like that? Who gives him the right to think he's better than her? L.A. seemed a lot more like Newport than I had originally anticipated, but I guess no matter where you went you would always find people like that. I fear that that snobbiness may never relinquish its tough grip on today's generation.

Alex just locked her jaw briefly before saying, "Whatever. Marissa, if you absolutely need to address them, which I don't recommend doing for your sake, then I call the good-boy dumb, and the asshole dumber. I'm gonna go… wander." Then she got up and left me with the twins.

**Alex's POV**

I hadn't been expecting a warm welcome from anyone, let alone the twins, but it was a little bit ridiculous that they didn't have the decency to say hello to me after over a year. However they were both quick to make a stride a Marissa, which borderline infuriated me. I don't know if it was the fact that Marissa and I were already skating on thin ice or the whole respect issued involved that pissed me off, but something did, and that something was quickly making my patience for this place wear down. I was glad, however, that the situation gave me an excuse to leave the room.

Since my original plan of never coming back didn't pan out, I decided to invade my old family's privacy and explore the house I'd left behind. As Frankie said everything was in the same place it was when I left, more or less. Since his room was closest to the stairs— and because he pissed me off the most recently— I decided to check Aaron's room first.

I opened the door quickly, not caring if anyone heard. His room had be rearranged since I had been in it last, but that was about two years ago. Aaron's bed lay unmade on the opposite side of the room from my vantage point. Clothes and garbage were strewn everywhere because he didn't like the cleaning ladies in his personal area, afraid they might steal one of his 'valuables'. I distinctly remember an argument in which I told him porn magazines weren't valuables, he disagreed.

Posters of various basketball players were covering the walls, scattered about were the usual half naked girl posters in every teenage boy's room. Everything seemed vaguely familiar, but as I dove deeper into the room the smell of weed and cigarettes overtook my senses. He hadn't been into drugs when I was still living there, and I didn't like the fact that my baby brother was into that shit, but there was nothing I could do. After all, I'd given him my word that I wouldn't rat him out, and there are just some things that you can't back out of.

_*flashback*_

_The blonde girl entered one of her sibling's rooms after being scolded for cutting class again. She had been ordered to retrieve Aaron from his room for dinner, but she hadn't been expecting what she saw. She entered not thinking about what might be going on behind that door, and after the initial surprise she mellowed out and cracked a smile._

"_Those things can kill ya, you know." She said closing the door behind her, startling her brother. He looked worried for a moment, but after sensing her sarcastic demeanor he pulled that classic Kelly smirk._

"_Don't be a hypocrite." He said after taking a drag of his smoke._

"_Good point… can I bum one off of you?" He nodded and she approached the open window he was sitting under. He held out a cigarette for his older sister and held his out the window, blowing his smoke and attempting to not get caught by his parents. "You're going about that the wrong way, by the way." She said lighting it up._

"_How's that?" He asked, looking at her curiously._

"_You're stupid if you think smoking by the widow is gonna protect you from getting caught."_

"_Care to elaborate?"_

_She chuckled. "You got a candle or something?" Aaron nods. "Get it, light it, and put it somewhere. Second of all, you're smoking in your jacket, and you aren't even drinking anything. Take your jacket off, put it back on after. The smoke smell stays on your breath longer if your mouth is dry. Oranges hide the smell the best by the way. Baking soda hides the smell in your room. If all else fails and you're afraid you're gonna get caught because the smoke is in your room, overcook some popcorn in your microwave. Problem solved if you can lie like a mother fucker."_

"_You've never helped me out like this before." He observes after taking the preventive measures she listed._

"_We've never had anything in common before." _

_He nodded and sat back next to the widow. "It is way too complicated."_

_She just shrugged, "That's the price you pay for keeping your innocent image."_

_He nodded, accepting this as true. After all, she was his older badass sister; she had to be right about this. He stayed silent for a while before remembering the screaming that had just been going on downstairs. "You're not the only black sheep in this family Alex." She looked him, eyes widening, knowing that that was exactly what she had needed to hear. Her nod signified her gratitude. "Are you gonna rat me out?" Aaron asked._

_The blonde girl thought about it for a minute, contemplating how much he had made her mad that week, and how much she wished she had a spot free reputation with her parents again. She'd do anything to start over, and not make the mistakes she had made so frequently. She'd do anything to be one of the good ones again. She'd do anything not to be different._

"_No."_

"_Why not? Don't you want to look better for them?"_

"_At the end of the day you have to remember that it's not all about how you look Aaron, no matter who's looking. It's about being able to look at yourself and say you did the best you could to help someone." She put out the cigarette, and stood up. "Now come on, the rental units want you to come down for dinner." He smiled at her and followed her suit, standing up and walking out of the room._

_*end flashback*_

About a month after this exchange Aaron had ratted on himself. Our parents had blamed me for 'contaminating' their child. It was my fault he felt like he needed an out. It was my fault he couldn't take the pressure of following in Adam's footsteps. It was my fault that he fucked up. It was my fault because I was such a bad influence. Well that's how they saw it at least.

To me that one bonding experience we shared was worth it. I realized that day that what Aaron had said was true. I wasn't the only wrong doer in my family. I wasn't the only screw up. I wasn't the only disappointment. That's the one moment I always remember when I think of him. It might be because it was the only moment we shared worth mentioning, but that didn't matter to me. The only thing that mattered was that he helped me to let my mistakes go that day. And remembering what he said today helped me let him go.

**3****rd**** Person (Cuz it just came out that way)**

"_One down, six to go."_ Alex thought to herself as she exited her brother's room. The mission she'd set out to accomplish needed to happen, and it needed to happen today. If she ever hoped to move on with her life she needed to let her past go. She couldn't make herself inclined to fully diverging herself in someone else's problems without solving her own. She couldn't let herself try to help someone unless she could help herself. She wouldn't save Marissa unless she saved herself first. And maybe if Alex was lucky, this situation would inspire Marissa to deal with her issues on her own. Then again, Alex never had the luck of the Irish.


End file.
